


He Smiled

by RebeccaKay27



Category: Dancing with the Stars (US) RPF, Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1678694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebeccaKay27/pseuds/RebeccaKay27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew that one day instead of being one half of Davis and White, he would just be Charlie White, but was he ready for that just yet? Was he ready to separate himself and his feelings from that little girl who fearlessly took his hand, and with time, his heart? If he was being honest with himself, the answer was no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Brooding

He knew. He had known for far too long. He had known, and yet he had remained stationary as the world spun around him. He smiled through flashing lights, he smiled through moments of blinding sadness, he smiled because she needed him too.

 

He smiled because he had always been told to smile. He smiled because he wanted nothing more than to be happy for her right now. He smiled because in so many ways his pride in her could never be any greater than it was in this moment.

 

He smiled for her as his heart broke, cameras pointed at his face as the confetti rained down. He smiled as he realized that he had let go of something more special than the gold medal he so often wore around his neck.

 

He smiled as he choked down the realization that his dream, all along, had been to hold that small hand for the rest of his life.

 

When the smile finally faded, he tortured himself. Googling her name. Watching the interviews. Seeing the way she so easily brushed off his congratulations. He said he loved her… so many times… and yet she had gotten on that plane with him.

 

Logically he knew that she had no other choice. But she was Davis, and he was White, and she was his partner. How could 17 years of work, and love, and trust have been swept under the rug for 3 months of television? That’s when his phone vibrated in his pocket, indicating he had received a text message. At first he shrugged it off, thinking that it was probably either his family or Tanith texting to check up on him, but he just wasn’t ready. He needed some time to process everything that was going on around him.

 

For once, he didn’t feel like he had a say. In their partnership, Meryl had always listened to him. She has spent hours tirelessly taking in everything he has had to say about life, their programs, his dreams. She was always so steadfast in her support, and the guilt that made him feel was overwhelming. Why couldn’t he support her when she was finally so happy- when she had begun to flourish on her own?

 

He knew that one day instead of being one half of Davis and White, he would just be Charlie White, but was he ready for that just yet? Was he ready to separate himself and his feelings from that little girl who fearlessly took his hand, and with time, his heart? If he was being honest with himself, the answer was no.

 

He sat up in the hotel bed, using one hand to try and calm the mop of golden tangles on his head and the other to reach into his pocket to see who had tried to get ahold of him.

 

**MER: I miss the ice.**

 

He chuckled. Even during a whirl-wind tour of interviews, she was still thinking about getting back to the rink. They hadn’t even honestly discussed yet what the future of their ice dancing careers would be, but it didn’t seem like she was ready to give it up just yet.

 

**CHARLIE: Enjoy New York! The ice will be waiting for you when you get back.**

 

She responded almost instantaneously.

 

**MER: And you?**

 

They had spent enough time together for him to know exactly what question she was asking. Was he still going to be there? Would his arms still be the ones to hold her up as she flew high above the ice? Would he still catch her when she fell? Would he still be there with supportive smiles, and encouraging words?

 

**CHARLIE: You couldn’t shake me if you tried, Meryl Davis.**

 

Why was he so afraid all of a sudden? She had stuck with him when he fell on the ice, hard, three times during a competition. She had stuck by him when they had to sit out a season due to his broken ankle. She had stuck by him when he had gotten a girlfriend and things had become suddenly complicated beyond measure. He liked Maks. He loved Tanith. There were just so many pieces to this puzzle, and there was no way that all of them could fit.

 

Which piece of his puzzle could he live without?

 

Not Meryl. That was the first thought that popped into his head. There was no pause between the question and the answer. This caused him another painful pang of guilt because he knew that it should have been Tanith. But even 5 years could not compare to 17, and romantic love only almost meant as much to him as the complex entanglement of love that he felt for Meryl. He had answered that question vaguely so many times. Meryl was his partner and their unique relationship was neither brother/sister nor entirely romantic. But in a way the relationship was EVERYTHING, and how do you explain that without the truth spilling everywhere and your heart falling out onto the floor?

 

He slammed his hands on the bed, realizing that sitting and brooding was not going to do anybody any good, and yet he had to figure this out. And soon. Suddenly realizing the room was dark, and had been for quite some time, he flipped the light on. Gingerly untying each one of his shoes, he relished the feel of his socks on the carpet. This was the real Charlie White, delighting in the small things and letting everything fall into place whatever way it was meant to.

 

**MER: Good thing I’ve never wanted to.**

 

That message took his breath away, and he knew that he was reading too much into it, but GOD that was all he had wanted to hear from her.

 

**CHARLIE: You busy?**

 

It went without saying that this was their way of asking the other one to call as soon as they could. He hadn’t hesitated when typing in the words, but now he felt nervous. Nervous to talk to the person he had spent nearly every day with for so many years. “Jesus, Charlie. Get yourself together!” he spoke to himself in the empty room. Now that Dancing with the Stars had showed that footage of him psyching himself up, he knew that most of America probably thought he was certifiably crazy. But sometimes, you just have to give yourself a pep talk.

 

He could hear the loud vibrations of his phone and he dashed to the bed, hoping it was her. The familiar picture of them embracing after their free dance in Sochi made his face light up, and he hit his answer button with lightning speed. “Meryl?”

 

“Well who else would it be, ya goon?” Her familiar lilting laugh made him feel at ease, as he sunk into the bed.

 

“Hey- I do have other friends you know!” He always had a comeback to her jokes. They knew each other so well, that often times he could come up with a comeback before she even said the insult.

 

“DJ doesn’t have a phone. Well, unless you bought her one, and I truly wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” With every word she said he felt something that he couldn’t even explain. It was like calm, but within that feeling of calm was a pinprick setting each part of him on fire little by little. She lit him up from the inside.

 

“I know this is going to come as a shock to you, and you will probably tease me relentlessly, but I already miss you.” He breathed out a sigh of relief. He had told her the truth, instead of just playing in to their usual banter. While they communicated so well, he knew that all too often they covered their real feelings with the playful teasing and innocent jabs that came so easily to them.

 

“I… miss you too.” He could tell she was taken aback by the frankness of his words. He didn’t express his emotions as frequently as he probably should, and up until recently he could count the number of times he had told Meryl how much he loved her and how grateful he was to have her in his life. It wasn’t that he hadn’t always loved her; he had for as long as he could remember, but it was an ever-evolving thing that three simple words did so little to describe. “Charlie- is something wrong?” And there it was. The question he was dreading, the question he didn’t yet have an answer to, the question that was causing him to feel so many conflicting emotions.

 

“To be honest, I’m not sure,” he replied slowly, trying to think about his words carefully as he was also trying to articulate them. “I guess everything just got a little overwhelming all of a sudden, and the only person I can even fathom understanding me right now is you. But you’re not here.” That was the worst part of all. He could deal with the uncertainty of his feelings, he could deal with being pulled in two different directions, but he could not deal with the fact that she wasn’t there.

 

She didn’t know how to respond, but she knew she had to say something. “Charlie, I know everything and nothing has changed all at once and it’s going to take some time. But, just like everything else, we always find a way through.” There were so many things she wanted to say, seventeen years worth of feelings she wished she could convey in a single sentence, but words that held that much meaning had never been her strong point. She could read them, she could study them, but producing them on her own when it had to do with Charlie? It couldn’t be done.

 

“When did everything become so complicated, Mer?” he sighed. The gold medal was theirs, the show was over, the lights were supposed to have dimmed, and yet he felt more pressure than ever. The answers had always been there before, and now their whole lives sat in front of them. He wished he could feel free, he wished he could feel light, but he now felt like the weight of the world and his choices were weighing upon his shoulders. He absent-mindedly rubbed his shoulders just thinking about it.

 

“Charles Allen White, when all of this press is over, when we both get home to Michigan, we can sit down and chat about all of this, but it doesn’t feel right to have this conversation when we’re so far apart.” He knew that what she spoke was the truth, but he wasn’t quite ready to let her go just yet.

 

“Are you having fun?” he asked, half wanting to know that she was, and half just wanting the both of them to be home.

 

“The interviews are a little tiring, but I definitely don’t want my fans to see me as anything less than appreciative. I’m so happy to have experienced so much, but so much of me just aches to be home.” He could feel his heart in his stomach; he knew just what she meant. “Charlie, home could never be home without you. I am really excited to get back.”

 

The dam almost broke within him. He wanted to scream he loved her, right in that moment. He wanted to run to the window, toss aside the curtains, fling open the window and scream so loud that she could hear it in New York. But he knew that it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved. “I guess I better let you get back to your adventure,” he settled for instead, doing his best to mask his feelings with a sugar-coated sort of happiness. “See you in a few days?”

 

“Davis and White, Charlie. It’ll always be Davis and White,” she responded with a seriousness he hadn’t expected, but appreciated more than he could say.


	2. Breaking

The week seemed to last forever as Charlie half-heartedly helped Tanith pick out fixtures for their new home. It’s not that he didn’t want the house and it’s not that he no longer wanted to be with Tanith, but in that moment all he wanted was to be on the ice. But being on the ice meant he needed Meryl. There was a reason he had given up singles skating years ago, and that was because he became addicted to the feeling of her hand in his, the scent of her next to him, the sound of her skates gliding across the rink in unison with his. His addiction kept him from truly enjoying skating even simple laps on his own.

 

He felt like a lost puppy. Surprisingly, his next thought was of DJ peeking out the window when he’d leave her to travel, and he couldn’t help but snicker. The thought of having so much in common with his dog brought a smile to Charlie's face

 

“Charlie? Were you even listening? I really don’t know if these knobs will match the tile in our bathroom.” It’s not that Tanith was annoying him by asking all of these questions about such minute details, he knew she just wanted his opinion. He had been so sure before leaving for Sochi that this house was everything he had wanted with her. It was a culmination of their relationship and all of the things they had been through together. It was a symbol of where they had been and where they would be going. He wanted that. But the feeling of unease hadn’t yet begun to settle.

 

“I’m sorry Tan, I’m still just trying to get used to being home. It’s a lot to take in. I think I just need to get some fresh air, go for a walk or something,” he tried to sound as sincere as he could. Maybe some time with DJ, walking around the familiar neighborhood would help.

 

“Of course! I know it’s hard. I’ve been through the after-retirement blues. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” And part of him did want to talk about it. But with his partner. And in a way, Tanith was his partner, but in a lot of ways she never could be. But then his mind rewound what she had just said. Retirement? Had she really used that word?

 

“Meryl and I haven’t decided for sure whether we’re retiring or not yet,” he shot, defensively.

 

“Oh. I guess I just assumed all that talk about not knowing was for the media. It seemed like you were both taking steps in separate directions.” Tanith was as even-keel of a support system as she had always been, but right now he just didn’t want to hear it.

 

“Like I said, I need to get out. Thanks for supporting me and trying to help, I think I just need a break from all of these decisions.” She smiled and nodded at him as he backed slowly out the door, grabbing DJ and her leash and jogging out the front door.

 

“What do you think, Deej? Are Auntie Mer and I heading into two separate directions?” He set the dog down on the soft grass of their front yard, and they made their way to the sidewalk together. Sometimes he really wished that DJ could talk, but just being able to walk his dog around familiar territory made him feel more at home than he had felt since he’d gotten back.

 

“Sometimes I think that I’d give up everything to find a way to go her direction, but other times I think I need to say goodbye to that portion of my life. Is it time to settle down with your mom?” He shook his head at himself. He was talking to his dog, in broad daylight, through the new neighborhood. Not many people were outside, but the ones within hearing distance probably thought he was nuts.

 

The houses in their neighborhood were large. Beautiful, suburban homes dwarfed him as he walked by. Each one had a perfectly groomed lawn, with a perfectly shiny car or SUV sitting in the drive. Is this what settling down was like? Is this what he was supposed to want? Was he supposed to spend the rest of his days waxing his car, and mowing his lawn, and watering the flowers? Was there an age at which all men were happy with lawn and house work? Charlie wasn’t. At least he wasn’t ready yet.

 

The weather was perfect, and it smelled like a warm summer rain was on the horizon. The clouds were just beginning to roll in, threatening to cut his walk short just as he was beginning to enjoy it. DJ, ever chipper, wagged her little tail and trotted around like she could not be more content with life.

 

If he was being honest, he was bored. There was still so much on his plate, but without a creative outlet to really channel his emotions into, they were running haywire. A day on the ice always cured everything, but he hadn’t been on the ice for too long now. Was she ever coming home? He stopped at a bench that overlooked the river close to his home. Scooping up DJ he watched the colors on the horizon begin to change and fade. It was still early in the evening, but the sky had turned into an ever-changing canvas of watercolors.

 

Charlie wondered if everyone saw things the same way he saw them. If people sat down in the quiet of the evening and watched the sky change. If they appreciated how beautiful everything that surrounded them could be if they just took a time to revel in the stillness. DJ was beginning to get restless in his lap, and Charlie knew he couldn’t hide forever.

 

“Mind if I join you?” Nothing could mistake the sound of her voice. He could feel himself light up like a Christmas tree.

 

He jumped up and wrapped his arms around her, “Meryl,” he sighed into the crook of her neck.

 

She giggled, “Wow. I should go away more often!” He let her go and sat back down on the bench, her sidled up next to him. She leaned down to pick up DJ, “I missed you too, girl!” Meryl made cute, baby-faces at the dog that caused Charlie to laugh. When was the last time he had really laughed? Had it really been that long?

 

“How’d you find me?” he asked.

 

She continued to pet DJ. “As soon as I got home I wanted to see the new house. Tanith showed me around, it’s really great!” Her sincerity was palpable. “I was going to wait for you, but I didn’t know when you’d be home. I was on my way out when I noticed how beautiful the sky looked, and so I decided why not take a quick walk by the river? It’s really gorgeous out here Char, you lucked out!”

 

Charlie couldn’t believe just how similarly they were thinking. Even after all these years, she just got him in a way that most people never would. “I was watching all the colors in the sky. I’ve been wound so tightly lately that I haven’t been enjoying the little things nearly as much as I should.” He was sheepish about telling her this, but he knew that as transparent as he was, she probably already knew.

 

“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it? Our whole lives have changed in the blink of an eye, and I never could have imagined things would be where they are right now. I’m really, really happy Char. I don’t know if I knew this kind of happiness was possible.” She meant it. She truly, truly meant it. All that he could wish was that it was him who had made her this happy.

 

It hurt. It hurt him so badly that he didn’t know what was the right thing to say, but he also knew he didn’t want to hurt her by pausing for too long. “You mean Maks?” was the first thing he could come up with, and he blurted it out without thinking.

 

“Yes, Maks,” she blushed. He wanted to hurl Maks into the river. “But also you. Our gold medal. Learning to dance… how to really dance. Sitting here with you and DJ. All of it.” He felt a little better that he had been included, but he missed the times when things hadn’t been so heavy-hearted. He was just so damn confused.

 

He looked at her. She was perfectly silhouetted by the change of light and she looked like a queen the way she held herself with such grace and poise. She looked so much stronger and more confident than she ever had and everything made him want to scoop her up and hold her forever. And even DJ was being so good for her, as Meryl continued to pet her and make sweet faces.

 

She was perfect. And he was broken, and had no idea how to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter... sorry guys! I would really love feedback on if you guys think the chapters are too short- I struggle with that a lot! 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


	3. Dancing

“Take my hand,” Charlie asked her, dizzy with the alcohol running through his system. She smiled at him and acquiesced, repeating the gesture she had practiced countless times before. Slowly, they swayed side to side with the rhythm of the music.

 

Tanith and Charlie’s housewarming party had been a lively affair with much of their family and friends in attendance. The hour was getting late, and many had already gone home, but the few dozen or so people that were still there were having a great time.

 

“Why, Mr. White, I do believe you might be drunk!” Meryl teased, a coy smile spreading across her face. Maybe it was all the wine he’d had, but she looked so beautiful. He couldn’t remember being this happy in a long time.

 

“Me? Nah!” he scoffed. “I’ve never been dru-“ he completed before stumbling over his own feet. She caught him with a laugh.

 

“Never? I only think there have been a handful, but each one holds a special place in my heart.” It felt good to be able to lean on her. So often he was the one with whom she relied to hold her up, and he liked how safe he felt in her arms. For such a small person she was surprisingly strong.

 

Charlie felt like he was in a bubble of happiness, and he knew that come morning it would probably burst, but he was going to hold onto it as long as possible. “Just don’t plan on doing any crazy lifts tonight. I think left and right is about all I have left in me.” They smiled at each other, and he then caught Tanith smiling at him and waving from across the room.

 

For the first time in forever he didn’t feel the guilt that had been plaguing him. Things were as they should be in the world. His girlfriend, beaming with pride at the home she’d put together, and his partner in his arms.

 

  
If only his partner was the only role he wanted Meryl to play in his life. But life was never that simple. Life only faded away like this when they were in each other’s arms, feeling the music.

 

“This was such a great party, Charlie. It was so nice to see everyone,” she brought him back from his thoughts and onto Earth again.

 

“It really was! I’m surprised so many people were able to come celebrate. There were a few that weren’t here though,” he trailed off. He wondered if she knew to whom he was referring, if there partner telepathy still worked as flawlessly as it always had.

 

“Maks sends his congratulations,” she huffed. “Way to ruin the mood, Chuck.” She playfully swatted him away, but it just encouraged him to grab her and hold on even tighter.

 

“That’s very, diplomatic of him.” Charlie chose his words carefully. “When is he going to make an appearance at Davis family brunch? Will I have to give up my seat?” he teased.

 

“I don’t think my mom would ever let your seat be taken. She’d probably physically defend that chair if she had to. But as for the rest of it, I think it’s nice that we both have some time to breathe. If we’re gonna really give this a shot, the best thing is to take some time to figure everything else out first,” she opened up to him. He, without thinking, tucked a stay hair of hers behind her ear and she closed her eyes and leaned into the touch. Maybe she'd had just as much to drink as Charlie.

 

The intimate gesture was not seen by anyone else at the party except Tanith, who at that moment had her eyes firmly locked on the partners. She smiled half-heartedly at the group asking her questions and politely excused herself.

 

Making her way towards Charlie and Meryl, she tried to keep a calm, un-readable composure.

 

Charlie saw her approach and put a much ‘friendlier’ amount of distance between he and Meryl. Tanith chimed in with her cheerful voice, “Can I cut in?”

 

“Of course,” Meryl replied kindly, going to talk to some of her friends in the corner of the room.

 

“Are you having fun?” Tanith asked Charlie, curling into his frame and dancing with such closeness, he wasn’t sure he was completely comfortable with everyone seeing.

 

“Of course,” he answered with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Shouldn’t her being in his arms feel like home by now? There were just too many times when it didn’t quite fit, and while he was so happy most of the time, he didn’t know if it ever would. Home was in a pair of arms that were a little smaller, on a body that was a little shorter, topped by a head where the hair was much darker. “Did you love getting to show off how well the fixtures in the bathroom match the tile?” he teased.

 

“I love you,” she answered plainly, with such feeling he was taken aback.

 

“I love you, too” he responded in a way that sounded less like an answer and more like he was trying to convince himself. Charlie realized how lackluster his response was, “I’m sorry, Tanith. I’m a little drunk. You’re amazing,” he kissed her hairline. He tried to ignore the way her eyes told him that she wasn’t believing what he was saying, but he knew.

 

This party had just gone from 100 to zero in less than 60 seconds.

 

“Oh, sorry Charlie, I think Ashley’s leaving, and I really want to make sure I say goodbye.” She excused herself so politely, and it just made him feel crummy.

 

Deciding to take a second to breathe, he grabbed his glass off the table and made his way to the back porch. The stars were out in full-force, and there was a slightly cool breeze making the summer evening perfect.

 

“I saw you come outside. You guys split up pretty quickly in there,” Meryl said, and he heard the sound of the screen door closing behind her. She sat down next to him on the step, her own glass dangling in her hand, almost empty.

 

He took a drink, and she didn’t need to hear his response. She knew that something was off. It had been off all night. Charlie’s laugh had been a little too loud, Tanith’s smile had been a little too bright, and the true joy of the occasion just wasn’t there the way that it should be.

 

She gently took his cup from his hand. “You know, you can’t find any answers in there. You never have, so don’t start now.” Her hand casually rested upon his knee and he was taken back to the Kiss and Cry in Sochi and how ecstatic he had felt in that moment. He had felt so ecstatic after so many competitions with her doing the exact same thing.

 

The sky started to blend and twist a bit, and he knew he’d officially had too much. He’d been tipsy before, he’d been drunk, but never like this. All the emotions were blending into one- and he never thought that ‘drunk’ was an emotion he was capable of feeling until now. She stood up, dusting off her shorts. “Want to walk some of it off?”

 

He knew that he probably shouldn’t. He knew that he should go inside, go to his room, and shut the door. But she was Davis and he was White and she was suggesting they spend some time alone together, and God were those moments few and far between these days, and so instead of listening to his head- he followed his heart, springing up a little too quickly, causing him to wobble.

 

“Frick, Charlie. You should probably hold my hand,” she laughed. He grabbed it and they made their way off the porch and down into the yard.

 

“I thought you didn’t ask people to hold your hand,” he joked, referencing one of her Dancing with the Stars packages.

 

“Well I guess I’m less of an ice queen now. My heart has been melted!” she threw him some side eye but quickly smiled. “You know- I never had to ask anyone to hold my hand before, because it’s been occupied with yours for as long as I can remember.” She gave him one of those sincere looks that made him want to cry and leap for joy at the same time, and seriously if he was supposed to give her up and walk away from all of these feelings, she really needed to quit doing that.

 

“But now you’re happier.” He tried to bring himself down by reminding himself that Maks existed. Obviously thoughts of Tanith were not doing their job and helping him put everything else into the past, so he tried to focus on Maks and how much happiness he was bringing Meryl.

 

“I am happy, yes. But I wasn’t unhappy before.” She swung the hand that was holding his, and they looked like two children taking a walk. “He brings out a different side of me. He brings out this great, confident, emotional, wonderful side of me. He makes me feel things, you know?”

 

He knew what she was saying. Tanith brought those things out in him. But Meryl brought out an equally, if not more important side.

 

Like she knew what he was thinking she continued “But you bring out a whole different side of me. It’s like I don’t know if I could live without both.” She had caught on to his exact idea without him having to say a single word, and that’s why he didn’t know if he could ever truly give her up. He also didn’t know if he could share. Could he give a piece to Meryl, and a piece to Tanith, and she give pieces away, and when they saw what remained, would there even be enough pieces left?

 

It was like he had handed her his soul, piece by piece, time after time, experience after experience and she had taken in all of it. She had accepted every fault, moment, laugh, fall and she had rolled them into creating this all-encompassing partnership and it was coming time for them to make a choice. And he knew he had to make a choice, but it was seeming more and more like the choice was already made for him and no matter what he did he couldn’t win.

 

His head was swimming in the ideas and the alcohol and all he wanted to do was not let go of her hand. As long as he had that he was still on the ground, he was still in the moment, and he was still in the running. But the running for what?

 

“Feeling any better?” she asked quietly.

 

“Physically or mentally?” Charlie responded. He knew she meant both, but he really didn’t know what to say. “Can we just pretend that you’re just Meryl and I’m just Charlie and the rest of the world doesn’t exist for like 5 minutes?” he asked.

 

She stopped and faced him, “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” He could see the fear in her eyes. But underneath that fear, and maybe it was the alcohol, he could almost detect a bit of longing. She bit her lip, and damnit, if that didn’t ruin every molecule of an ounce of resolve he had left, he didn’t know what did.

 

“What if that’s all there was. What then?” He asked, hoping she’d humor him and at least give him a straight answer.

 

“It’d be you and me against the world, like it’s always been,” she responded quietly, and he knew she was glossing over whatever real answer she was holding in.

 

He ghosted his fingers slowly over her hand, sending a shiver down her back. She instantly got goosebumps, and he couldn’t help but explore some of them on her exposed arm. He met her eyes, and she was looking at him with a sort of wonder he couldn’t describe. In so many ways they both felt like he was touching her for the first time, like things were just different. Once again, it was like nothing had changed but everything had changed all in an instant.

 

He wished that he could sober up, because this may be the last time he ever touched her like this, so innocently and yet with such familiarity. “Charlie, you know we can’t do this,” she tried to back up, but he caught her in his arms like a vice. The look in his eyes scared her and thrilled her all at once, and she didn’t know how to stop something that shouldn’t be, but was. “Charlie…” she breathed out.

 

“Tell me, Mer. Even if it’s the only time, and then we can put it away like we always have. Just tell me, because I need to hear it,” he pleaded with her with such feeling, that she knew she couldn’t brush it under the rug any longer.

 

“Everything I am would be yours,” the tears crept up into her eyes, and she tried to choke them down before they spilled. She didn’t want to ruin a moment that probably would never happen again, and they’d probably try to pretend never existed for the rest of their lives.

 

He was caught in a trap that he couldn’t escape, and she had finally told him the one thing that he had always wanted to hear and yet couldn’t handle, because what would it mean for them? Where would they go from here? He sighed, leaning down to press his forehead against hers, releasing his tight grasp on her slightly. “I’m afraid that everything I am is already yours,” he finally admitted.

 

And now everything was out there, and nothing could be taken back, and this would always be their moment.

 

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out for us,” Meryl spoke, breaking the silence and his little moment of truth.

 

“This story’s not over yet, so don’t try to wrap it up into a pretty little box and pretend it is. Everything’s messy, so so messy. But this is not our ending,” he spoke slowly, trying to convey to her that he really wasn’t sure. He wanted to ask her to wait for him, but he knew that wasn’t fair, and he knew he could never do that to her, but hopefully she’d just get it when he spoke to her like that.

 

“Please let go of me,” she asked politely, and he knew he had to honor her request. “We have both had far too much to drink to have this conversation right now. I want to believe you, and if you asked me to wait, I don’t know what I’d say, but we just can’t ruin this because I can’t lose you,” she reached up and brushed his curls out of his eyes, running her hand down his cheek.

 

“You were always the steady one,” he laughed.

 

“You wouldn’t think that if you knew how much I want to kiss you right now, but I won’t do that. I’m not a cheater, and you’re not a cheater, and no matter what happens, I won’t ever let either of us turn the other into one.” Charlie knew that she was right. She was right in every sense of the word, and he was forever grateful she had a sense of resolve he didn’t have.

 

“I should be getting home,” he said sheepishly, knowing that directly implied him changing directions and going straight back into Tanith’s arms even though his feelings were pulling him into two distinctly different directions.

 

“Yes you should,” he could hear Meryl’s heart drop with each syllable of those three short words.

 

“I may be drunk. I may be stupid. I may be the most transparent, confused man in the universe, Mer. But I love you, and right now maybe that’s all I know, and it’s not going to change.” Charlie tried to pick her up with his words, because he couldn’t do it with his lips, and he could bear to see her leave looking so sad. He had never, ever said those words enough, and he couldn’t regret not saying them later.

 

“I love you too,” she said, grabbing his hand and kissing his fingers before walking away down the deserted street. He let her go, because in that moment, he knew he had to. But he held on to every word she said with a ferocity he had never known before.

 

When Charlie got home, there were only a few party guests left, and Tanith spotted him immediately. “Hi Sweetheart! Where were you? I couldn’t find you!” she latched her arms around his waist.

 

“I didn’t want to embarrass myself, so I walked some of the drunk off,” he laughed into her hair, rubbing her back. He loved her, he did, but he had realized recently that something was just missing.

 

But how do you tell someone who’s waited almost five years for you to finally be home, that it’s just not everything he needs it to be? How do you explain that you were wrong, when a person is so willing to give their entire life to you?

 

“Well I’m glad you’re home!” she beamed. “By the way- did you see Meryl leave? She didn’t say goodbye.” Tanith didn’t know. He could read her like a book, and Tanith didn’t know. If they hadn’t had so much to drink, he knew she’d smell Meryl’s perfume on his shirt. If they hadn’t had so much to drink, he knew Tanith would have come after him 20 minutes ago. If they hadn’t had so much to drink, he knew that she could tell his hand was resting a little too high up her back, in a more platonic than romantic gesture. But she didn’t know.

 

“Yeah, she wasn’t feeling so well, she left after we danced,” and it wasn’t a complete lie, but it was a lie. And lying wasn’t something Charlie White was accustomed to, and it felt vile in his mouth, but for once, he didn’t know how to tell the truth.

 

So, not knowing what to do, he smiled.


	4. Skating

The term “lying” in bed made so much more sense to him now that he realized what he was doing was really a lie. And how could Charlie travel five years down a path before realizing it wasn’t his to take? Maybe it’s because he had spent so much time over the last five years with Meryl. He trained, he worked out, and he did his homework with the girl who was meant to only be his partner. In retrospect, he had spent so little time with his actual girlfriend, that maybe that is why he missed all of the signs. He hadn’t realized before that his girlfriend was much more of a friend, and his best friend was much more his girl. Leave it to him to realize far too late that he’d had the perfect players, just cast in the wrong roles.

 

He got up, tossing his pillow to the floor. Tanith didn’t stir, and he was grateful for that. He looked out the window, and even though the sun wasn’t quite up in the sky, Charlie knew he needed to get out of the house and do something. The house, in itself, was beginning to feel like a physical representation of all that was oppressing him. Quickly going through his morning routine, he let the water of the shower cascade over him. Splashing his face repeatedly, he tried to clear the anger he was feeling at himself and his circumstance. Dressing in workout clothing, he knew there was only one place where he could begin to work through his emotions. The toxic mess of what he was feeling needed to be cleansed, and there was only one place that always helped.

 

Grabbing his skate bag, he picked up his keys, and hurried out the door. He hadn’t left a note, and he knew Tanith would be worried, but that was something he couldn’t let himself think about. Maybe she should be worried. Maybe she needed to be worried. That way, maybe when he finally broke her heart it wouldn’t sting quite as badly. Breaking her heart would break his heart, and he didn’t know if he was man enough to do it. Would it be better for her in the long run if he just bowed out of her life? He had always been taught to do the honorable thing and be nothing short of a gentleman, but how could he do that when nothing made sense? Was there even an honorable choice left anymore? He was working himself into a frenzy, as the questions in his mind just kept coming.

 

Should he even break up a successful, long-term relationship when there was no guarantee he’d ever be with Meryl? Maybe this was as good as it could get for him and he just needed to settle. There was that word again… settle. He hated it just about as much as he hated himself right now.

 

When he got to the rink, he instinctively pulled into his normal spot. Grabbing his things he quickly headed for the locker room. Taking a few moments to do some rudimentary stretches, he already began to feel the comfort that his former schedule had brought to him. He could tie his laces with his eyes closed, he could tell you the exact number of steps from the locker room to the ice, and he could tell you exactly the placement of each one of Meryl’s vertebrae as he ghosted over them with his fingertips. He tried to push the idea of her exposed back out of his mind and made his way to the rink.

 

He hadn’t planned what he was going to do beyond the second his skates met the ice, but Charlie knew that he didn’t need to. The second he heard the unmistakable sound of blade meeting ice, he broke into a sprint. He did a few laps, just testing out the ice. Really, it had only been a few weeks since he had last skated, but to him, that was centuries. He had spent most of his life in the rink, and any time away from it seemed like forever.

 

Trying desperately to clear his thoughts, he raced across the ice. He stopped all of a sudden, and he swore he could smell her perfume.

 

“It took you long enough to come back,” she yelled, and he could hear the laughter in her voice. It felt like the last few months hadn’t happened, and everything was the same. Partners were partners, and his life was his life, and his choices were set up in a way that made logical sense. 

 

But when he turned around and saw her, he knew that it wasn’t the case. Because even in yoga pants and a track jacket, that girl brought him to his knees. “What do you mean?” he teased, in a poor attempt to mask the fact he was flirting.

 

She skated over to him. “I’ve been here for a week already. I thought you’d given up on me, mister.” Meryl’s hair trailed her as she skated graceful circles around him.

 

“Looking for a partner?” he asked in his cheesiest voice and she broke out into a chorus of laughter. He sprinted after her, wrapping her in his arms and twirling her around as soon as he reached her.

 

He put her back down on the ice, and their faces were a little too close and her arms felt a little too good wrapped around him, and he knew he’d move mountains to make her happy. She just continued to smile and raced away from him. “Think you can keep up?” 

 

He made his way after her, “You forget Davis- you might be the pretty one, but I’m the fast one with the great hair!”

 

She stopped suddenly, pouting, “Hey! I have pretty great hair too!”

 

He scoffed at her jokingly. “Nothing beats the blonde curls. The judges jack up our technical scores just because of them.” 

 

He skated past her, flicking his hair dramatically. “Oh yeah?” she yelled at him when he was half-way across the rink. “I thought it was because we were pretty decent skaters. That mop of yours did not win us the gold medal!”

 

Charlie turned and winked at her. It felt incredible to just be skating for fun. No program, no competition, no medal to strive for. It had been so long since they had done this together. Motioning for her to come to him and give him her hands, they made their way across the rink in tandem.

 

“So you’ve really been coming here for a week without me? Why didn’t you just call me?” he asked her.

 

“The way we left things was a little,” she paused, “awkward.” She looked down, and he gently reached for her chin, so that her eyes were staring straight into his. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said with as much sincerity as he could muster. 

 

“There’s no need to be sorry for things you can’t change, it does no one any good,” she replied. Meryl had always been wise beyond her years, in a way that always astounded him. 

 

“Why does every conversation we have these days get so serious?” he laughed.

 

“It’s all your fault!” she swatted at him.

 

He was getting a little breathless, so he slowed down, making his way to the wall to take a quick break.

 

“Out of shape already?” she teased.

 

Pausing for a second, he tried to hold himself back, but he couldn’t. He grabbed her, threw her over his shoulder, and continued to skate like there was nothing abnormal about a girl pounding her tiny fists on your back, begging to be set down. “What was that about out of shape?” 

 

“You’re not out of shape, now let me down!” she squealed, trying to wiggle out of his arms.

 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Charlie poked at her ribs. 

 

“YOU’RE THE STRONGEST MAN EVER! YOU COULD TAKE THE HOBBITS ALL THE WAY TO ISENGARD, NOW UNHAND ME YOU FOOL!” she laughed and screamed at the top of her lungs.

 

He set her down, “Only because you asked so nicely.” 

 

“I knew something geeky would get you to put me down, if only so you could get all hot and bothered about it.” They skated to the edge of the ice, grabbing their water bottles off the wall. “This is fun,” she smiled, and he beamed. Because for a while everything had ceased to exist but them.

 

Suddenly, he could feel his stomach grumble and he realized he hadn’t had breakfast and was starting to get hungry. Glancing at his watch, he realized that they’d already been skating for about an hour. “Did you eat this morning?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t going to have to bow out and leave her on her own.

 

“Are you still craving my world-famous French toast?” she arched here eyebrow and looked coyly at him.

 

Meryl had made him French toast exactly three times in his entire life, and while it might be the only thing she could really cook, they were both completely aware that she could make him into her own personal slave if he knew there’d be toast at the end of it. “You know you can’t tease me abouts my toasts, Ms. Davis.” He slammed his water bottle down dramatically.

 

She had already slipped her skate guards on and was walking away from him. “Your place or mine?” she casually tossed over her shoulder. That girl was going to be the death of him.

 

\----------------------------------------

 

They spent the afternoon on the carpeted floor of her condo, reliving old memories and laughing at each other’s stupid jokes. At one point, Meryl had grabbed some photo albums, and they were visually assaulted with their awkward years and incredibly bad ice dance costumes. They were looking up at the ceiling, with old photos, notes, and cards spread around them haphazardly when Charlie finally realized there was no escaping the fate that had kept their lives intertwined for so long.

 

He wanted to be in the exact same position when he was 50. His laugh lines would probably be far deeper, his hair would probably have progressed to gray, his back would probably scream at him for being on the floor, but he had seen a glimpse into a future that he truly wanted. Could that future exist if they remained only as partners, and then eventually just friends, far into the future? Could they lie on the floor, memories strewn about, while their respective children roamed around the room? Would Tanith let Charlie and Meryl still have the relationship they had, far into the future? Would Maks, or whomever Meryl ended up with be jealous of what they shared?

 

He wanted this. For the first time since before the Olympic Games he knew exactly what he needed to strive for, and exactly what he wanted to make happen. “Charlie?” she called him out of his reverie. “You got all quiet. What’re you thinking about?”

 

He turned his head to look at her and he saw that she had turned on her side to look at him. Her brown hair was strewn across the floor and he wanted to brush his fingers through it. He wanted to be the only man that ran his fingers through that hair. He wanted to make her believe in him, and only him. He wanted to be her future, just as equally as he was her past. He wanted to be with her.

 

Charlie looked at her with such intensity, that she couldn’t help but be taken back with the storm that was brewing within his eyes. She had only seen that look a few times in their partnership, and she knew it meant that he was determined beyond all measure. But for what precisely, she wasn’t sure.

 

“I’m thinking about this,” he reached out, brushing her hand gently before interlocking his fingers with hers. They had held hands so many times, but suddenly it was different. It was like he was finally admitting to her, in a physical way, how much he wanted her.

 

“I was thinking about that too,” she smiled gently at him. He saw the smile register in her eyes, and he knew that this moment was real.

 

“Even though we’re both sober, and we can’t ever pretend that this didn’t happen?” he asked bashfully, hoping beyond all hope that she wouldn’t just punch him and make him leave. 

 

Instead, she used her other hand to cup his face, running her thumb across his cheek. “How did this happen all of a sudden? There were so many years, and so many missed opportunities…” she trailed off. He knew that within her, a battle as strong and as fierce as the one inside him was raging. “How can this happen when we’ve already committed ourselves in so many different directions?”

 

“I’m not sure yet, Mer. I just know that this is where I want to be twenty years from now,” he told her truthfully.

 

“Do you think I’m still going to be living in this condo in twenty years?” she laughed.

 

He couldn’t help but smile. “You and me. That’s where I want to be. On the floor, laughing at jokes the other doesn’t even need to say.” He leaned into her hand, kissing her palm, because it was the only place he trusted himself to kiss without losing himself entirely. He knew that despite what he might want, he still needed to remember there were boundaries.

 

“I need to think about it, Charlie. Should we rip apart everyone’s lives just to try and make ourselves happy?” her face dropped and he reached out, pulling her into his chest.

 

Her hand rested over his heart, and he knew that it was hers. It was all hers. He had come to love her in a way where the love they shared seemed like more than love. He wished there was a word that meant that she possessed him, each bit and part of his soul, and that if she wouldn’t choose him above all others, he would be crushed. “We have spent our entire lives trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. We’ve struggled, and sometimes we’ve missed the mark more than we’ve hit it. I have been thinking about everyone else for far too long. I don’t think that I can settle for what’s expected of me and pretend to be happy for the rest of my life when I know that there’s a chance I could have true happiness.” 

 

He was being so frank about his emotions; the fear that she wouldn’t understand or believe in what he was saying gripped him like a vice. He had finally bared it all, and there was no going back. No matter what he said from then on, their partnership could never be the same. This is why they had done their best to remain ‘platonic’ despite any hormonal changes that happened over time. Of course they had both secretly crushed on one another at different points, that was natural. But this was so much more than a crush, he knew that he had just shifted their entire world to a new axis, and she would either accept that or she wouldn’t.

 

Her hand that was on his chest slightly trembled and he scooped it up in his, kissing each one of her fingertips. She looked at him in wonder, so confused about feeling things she had never felt in her entire life. “I’m scared,” was the only answer she could muster.

 

“I’m not, not as long as I’ve got you with me.” His response was so sudden, and with such conviction, that even Charlie was taken aback by his words.

 

“What if we don’t work Charlie? What if you say all this but can’t leave Tanith? What if I can’t let go of Maks? What if our families think we’ve been having some sort of secret affair all along? What if we mangle each other so bad that we can’t ever skate together again? What if you say something and I can never look you in the eye again? What if I do something that breaks you apart and makes you hate me for the rest of your life?” She was spouting questions so rapidly, he didn’t have time to register all of them in his brain, but he knew that he had thought about all of the same things. 

 

“Meryl Elizabeth, do you think you can live the rest of your life with this huge ‘what if’ hanging over your head?” He used his elbows to push himself up and sit, his arms wrapping around his legs instinctively. “That’s the question. Because if you can, I will get up and leave you alone and give you enough time until you can look me in the eye again and we will skate and be friends but never cross that line.”  
She took a few seconds to sit up next to him, and while he stared at the wall in front of him, she looked at his conflicted face. She bit her lip, trying to figure out the answer to his huge question even though she didn’t have nearly enough time. 

 

“I’m not ready for you to leave,” she said truthfully, giving him at least a shred of hope to hold on to.

 

“For now, I can take a maybe.” He turned to face her, “But I want to spill my heart out here on the floor to you, and I can’t do that if I know you’re just going to get up and walk away forever.”

 

“You’ve never been this open before. I knew you had feelings that you kept locked inside, but I had no idea the depth,” she was in awe of him. It was like she was seeing someone completely new inside of him, and every glimpse deeper into the person that she already knew so well made her fall a little bit more. She felt like maybe she could fall for infinity when it came to Charlie.

 

He was finally finding his voice after all this time. It had always been there, but he had always stifled it, afraid to be hurt. He choked down the worry, and the grief, and the heartache and just spoke from his heart, “I want to make breakfast with you every morning, even if we burn the eggs every single time. I want you to speak to me in every single language that you will learn, and I promise that I’ll always pretend to be listening. I want to watch hockey with you, curled up on the couch, surrounded by foods we haven’t been able to eat in years. I want to go to every Winter Olympics for the rest of our lives and show you off to the world as mine. Fuck, I want to lace the shoes of our daughter’s skates as she tries out the ice for the first time.” By the time he reached the end of his heartfelt admonition, Meryl had tears streaming down her face. While she had been told times before that she was loved, and that they were sure she was the one, no one had ever imagined a future with her quite like this. 

 

Charlie’s head stewed, imagining what all of the years ahead could hold if they could only make it through the temporary roadblocks of finding a way to make it happen.

 

“But you have a house…” she blubbered.

 

“It’s a house. I’d give it up for you in a heartbeat,” and in that moment, he knew he was promising that he would leave Tanith. He would have to leave her, even if Meryl would never have him. He had crossed the lines of decency and there was no way to go back. He had cheated on her emotionally in a way he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for any time soon. “I’m going to leave her, Mer. Not for you, not for her, but for me.” He said it aloud, and it felt good to really believe in the things he was feeling. The thoughts were suddenly starting to make more sense.

 

“You’ll give me time? No matter what?” Meryl questioned, and he reached over to rub the tears from her cheeks.

 

“This won’t be the last time I tell you how much I love you,” he promised in a way he had never promised something before. It was getting too dark in the room to see without turning the lights on, and realizing the time, he got up off the floor, pulling her up after him. “I should go.”

 

“But… I need you to help me figure this all out,” the tears were still pouring out of her, and he pressed his lips to her forehead in an effort to make the pain go away.

 

“You will be able to figure out what is best for you, even if that’s not me. I thought I’d never get there just a week ago, but now I know for certain. I won’t go back on what I’ve said, and I need you to trust me just as much as you always have.” Charlie rubbed her back, as her sobs finally started to subside.

 

“Will our love be enough?” she questioned, meekly.

 

“It will always be enough for me.” He squeezed her one last time, kissing her hairline, and then made his way out the front door of her home.


	5. Floundering

Charlie had never looked or felt more ridiculous in his entire life, and that was pretty amazing seeing as he was a male ice dancer. Haphazardly arranged in his arms were several bags, a rolling suitcase, DJ’s kennel, and his pillow. However, the most absurd part of his getup was blinding him in the sun. Arranged around his neck, a dozen or so of his most recent ice dance medals glittered brightly, including his Olympic gold. Tanith had thrown him out, medals and all. 

 

It’s not as if he hadn’t seen it coming, but the circumstances were rather bizarre. Instead of allowing him to break up with her, Tanith had told him that they simply needed a break. She thought maybe he just needed some time to think and then he’d realize they were meant to be together. He tried to plead with her, but as he started having to dodge the medals she was throwing at him while he packed, he agreed to her ‘trial separation.’

 

That’s how he found himself on the front stoop of Meryl’s condo, shining like Liberace and looking like a dejected fool. He wasn’t ready to explain what had happened to his family, and a great deal of his friends were off on summer vacations or busy with skating engagements. All he wanted was to see a friendly face who would reassure him that he wasn’t crazy, and everything in the universe conspired to lead him to here.

 

He fumbled for the doorbell, trying not to knock DJ around while she was in her kennel. He already felt terrible that he had uprooted her from her home and mother, and that almost made him feel more guilty than anything. He dropped his pillow in the process, and he cursed the gods above for the entire situation.

 

But seeing her face made all of it worth it. Meryl’s face quickly transformed from her initial smile to one of shock and confusion. “What’s going on Charlie?” she asked, opening the door for him, and picking his pillow up off of the ground.

 

“Tanith and I had a disagreement,” his brow furrowed in frustration. “Is there any way I can stay with you for a couple days? I’ll explain everything…” he trailed off.

 

“Of course!” she said, scooping DJ’s kennel up into her arms and leading him into the house. “How are you doing, sweet girl?” she made faces at the dog, and was soon bent down releasing her into the living room to run around. DJ licked Meryl’s face, obviously happy to see her, and Meryl’s laugh was so infectious he wanted to cry. “Just drop your stuff off in the guest room,” she turned around to say to him.

 

He was headed down the hallway when he heard her shout, “You can keep all the medals on if you want though. I think accessorizing is definitely your new style. They really accentuate your glasses.” Her teasing was everything that he needed right now, and his heart almost felt whole again.

 

He tossed his things down on the bed, immediately taking all of the incredibly ostentatious medals off from around his neck. Returning to the living room, he sat down on Meryl’s sectional in a huff. She was sprawled out on the floor resting on his pillow, and wrestling around with DJ. Once again he saw a glimpse of a future he wanted more than anything he’d ever known. 

 

“So what happened?” she questioned, fluffing up his pillow to create a comfier spot for herself on the floor.

 

“You’re gonna murder my pillow, Mer,” he laughed. 

 

She gave his pillow a few extra punches playfully before smiling at him, “At least it doesn’t scream like a girl.”

 

“That was ONE time!” he defended himself, remembering one time when Meryl’s hand had accidentally collided with his face during a lift and he had screamed at a decibel level only DJ should be able to recognize. Everyone, but mostly Scott and Tessa, had teased him relentlessly for months. The memory brought a smile to his face, but even he could tell that it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was so emotionally tired, he didn’t know if he could do justice to the story any more.

 

“I told her that what I wanted had changed. I told her that I loved her, but we were headed down a path I no longer wanted. I tried to make her believe that I care about her so much, and don’t want to hurt her, but we’re just not right anymore.” He took off his glasses and rubbed his temples, feeling the tension in every part of his body.

 

“And what did she say?” Meryl asked matter-of-factly. He could tell she was trying to be supportive, but was also genuinely curious as to how Tanith reacted.

 

“That she loved me. That everything she imagined in her future includes me and that I can’t just walk out on her.” He rested against the armrest, trying to get comfortable, but he soon realized that maybe it was less the sofa, and more the fact that he wasn’t even comfortable in his own body right now. Everything just felt so awkward and draining.

 

“So how’d you get to my doorstep?” she questioned, tucking her wild hair behind her ears and sitting up to give him her full attention.

 

“I guess I acknowledged that I understood everything she was saying. Nothing she said was irrational or out of left field. I knew that what I was doing wasn’t going to be easy and that I had a hard hill to climb in convincing her that I have to do this for me, but I don’t know if anything I said really sank in for her. She asked me to take a few days to really think about it, but I think that she just wants me to have some sort of epiphany that I can’t live without her. I don’t want to, but I know that having her in my life right now wouldn’t be right or fair for either of us.” He spilled his heart out, trying to make sense of the whole situation with every word that he spoke. “The look that she gave me when I told her that I loved her, I just wasn’t in love with her anymore, made me want to physically rip myself apart right in front of her.” He had never been so devastated. Tanith really loved him, and he just couldn’t imagine his future with her anymore. If he tried, it felt like when he and Meryl used to skate their hearts out only to just miss the podium. 

 

“Do you feel like you did the right thing?”

 

And even though he felt like a complete and utter ass, he had no qualm with responding, “Yes. Completely. I just don’t know how I’m going to go back in a few days just to try and do the same thing I just failed at.” The fear of having to walk back into that house, just to go through the same devastation re-lived honestly made him want to throw up. The look on her face was haunting him, even as he tried to rub it out of his eyes. “But I guess I deserve it for destroying her life like I have.”

 

“No one deserves punishment for sticking up for themselves,” she crawled over to him, and rested her head on his knee. The small touch, even though it wasn’t much, made him so grateful. With as much love as he had for Meryl, even the simple touches of their friendship made his life so much brighter. When all he could see was the storm ahead, she was the small rays of sunlight breaking through the gray.

 

He knew she was right, yet he was heartbroken. He didn’t want to show it as much as he was, especially in front of the woman he was utterly in love with, but he knew that the only way to get to a healthy place was to take the time to grieve and get through all of his emotions, as up and down as they were. Charlie ran his fingers through her hair, a nervous tick he’d developed at some point early in their partnership, and she sighed in contentment. “Tanith’s not one to give up easy, we both know that. Be it personal or professional, she always strives with everything she has towards the things that she wants. What if she doesn’t let me go?”

 

“You’re just as strong, if not stronger than she is. I’m not trying to influence you one way or the other, because I think you really need to decide all of this on your own, but if you don’t want to be with her, you can’t. Tanith is driven, but not unreasonable. She’ll understand with time. Let her have a few days to get over the shock, and maybe she’ll be more willing to listen.” With that, Meryl stroked one hand down Charlie’s leg, and got up off of the floor. He immediately missed the contact. 

 

She walked toward the kitchen. “I know I shouldn’t be here pouring all of this out to you when two days ago I was on the floor telling you about what I wanted in our future. But I hope you know me being here isn’t meant to pressure you into anything at all. I just needed my best friend,” he tried to explain himself, but he also hoped that he didn’t need to. He hoped that she’d know his intentions were pure, and that he needed his friend right now just as much as he needed the air in his lungs. She held him together when everything else crumbled around him. They always figured things out together.

 

“Charlie,” she came back to sit down beside him, resting a hand on his leg, “first and foremost we will always be partners. In our case, partnership is even stronger and runs far deeper than friendship. I know you and I know that you’re not here to try to pull some fast move on me. That’s not you.”

 

He let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.

 

She continued, “I’m going to be honest, it may be a little more difficult to figure out what in the world I want and what I’m going to do about it with you here, but you’re my friend and you need me. You will always have a place here, no matter what path I decide to take. My path will always have room for you in some capacity.” 

 

He wanted to be content with that, but he wanted to replace the sadness in his heart with some confession of her undying love. The logical side of him was so happy with what she had said, and the part of him that wanted to speed up the process of healing just wanted to jump in and begin with her right that second. Luckily, he was nothing if not logical, and he came to terms with what she had to say quickly. He wasn’t going to appear ungracious when she was going out of her way to be solid and level-headed for him. 

 

He should have known that she could read him like a book, and she had been watching every facial expression he made intently. “Charlie, I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I have to be as hands-off in letting you deal with this. I can’t have you resent me one day for changing your mind or getting in the way of what could be your happiness. I will always support you, but this is not the time for me to give you anything more than friendship.”

 

“You’re amazing,” he nuzzled into her, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo and perfume. 

 

“I thought you’d never figure that out,” she chuckled, somewhat smothered in his embrace. “Now I was just about to make lunch, are you hungry?”

 

\--------------------

 

She had sent him to take a nap to try and ease his mind, if only for a little while. He didn’t realize how much an hour of sleep could help him escape from the onslaught of feelings and memories that were playing in an endless loop in his head. When he sleepily walked back into the living room, Meryl was just getting back into the condo.

 

“How was the nap, sleepyhead?” she asked, unhooking DJ from her leash.

 

“So good, thanks. Where did you two go?” he bent down, grabbing his dog and sitting down to snuggle with her on the couch.

 

“Well,” Meryl said, taking off her tennis shoes, “I noticed when you came over that you didn’t have DJ’s food or bowl, so I went to pick some stuff up at the store. Then you weren’t up yet, so we went on a quick run.” She beamed with happiness, and it brought him such joy to see his two favorite girls having such a great time.

 

“You’re going to get absolutely puppy spoiled with DJ here, aren’t you?” he laughed. “Thank you so much for getting stuff for her, I hadn’t even gotten that far yet.”

 

“No problem! I have taken upon myself to be honorary puppy owner for a few days, and I plan to do my job right.” He knew that if she could have one thing, she wanted a dog more than anything. She had been bugging him for years with pictures, videos, and names for dogs. She had been so upset when he’d gotten DJ and she couldn’t get a dog of her own. Charlie had Tanith to watch his dog when he was traveling, but Meryl didn’t have someone to leave a puppy with. 

 

He knew the second their retirement was official, her first dog would soon follow. He just hoped she wouldn’t name it something ridiculous like ‘Scheherazade.’ Though, now that he thought about it, if Meryl called her ‘Sherri’ it might not be that bad. The thought itself caused him to chuckle. “You’re doing it again, Chuck. Making up jokes in your own head,” she teased him.

 

“I was just thinking about if you got a dog you could name it Scheherazade but call it Sherri for short. Wouldn’t that be cute?” he shared his idea.

 

“That is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard all day,” she laughed. “And that’s saying a lot, seeing as I spent most of the day with you.” He leapt over to her side of the couch like some sort of jack rabbit or grazing gazelle and began poking and tickling her with a ferocity never seen by man before. She howled with laughter, and DJ barked right along with her. “LET ME GO!” she screamed.

 

“I shall never admit defeat!” he yelled back, maintaining his work against her ribcage.

 

“Charles Allen, no!” she tried swatting him away, but he knew that if she was beginning to use the full name, he better get ready for some retaliation. He slowed his hands down, the laughter pouring out of him freely. Laughter really could be the best medicine.

 

He burst out of his reverie to the sound of his phone ringing from the spare bedroom where he was staying. “I’ll get it!” she jumped up, running down the hall, taking her first window of opportunity to get away from him. “It’s your mom!” she shouted, bringing his phone out to him.

 

He knew this wasn’t going to be good.


	6. Bracing

Jacqui White was not a subtle person. She never had been, and she never would be, and that was only one of the many great things about her. Charlie loved his mother and had always tried to make her proud in everything he did. When it came to ice dancing, he wore all the stupid sequins she could get pasted onto him. When it came to school, he always reached for solid grades even in classes he couldn’t care less about. When it came to family, he was always at every vacation, holiday, celebration, and dinner that he could attend. So when it came to his personal life, it came naturally that he tried to make choices that she would approve of. There had only been a handful of times that he had been the cause of any disappointment etched on her face, but he could remember each and every one of them with severe, and picture perfect accuracy.

 

While Charlie knew Jacqui had been conspiring with her best friend, Cheryl Davis, for nearly two decades to get him and his partner together, he also knew that she had spent five years integrating Tanith into the family. He had really hoped he’d have at least a day between breaking the news to Tanith and being confronted by his mother, if only to figure out what he could say to defend himself if she was against it. However, today fate was not his friend.

 

“Do I have to answer it?” he questioned Meryl, and she nodded her head with a definitive yes.

 

With fear and trepidation, he accepted his phone from her. “Hi, Mom,” he tried to sound as cheery as possible. Maybe she hadn’t heard the news. Maybe she was just calling to chat. But if she wasn’t, could he stretch the truth and not tell her, even if she didn’t know anything?

 

“Are you okay? Where are you?” Jacqui said breathless, the distress in her voice apparent.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine Mom,” he answered. Meryl left the room to give him some privacy, and he was once again thankful that she knew him so well. “I’m gonna be spending a few days with Mer.”

 

“What in the world is going on? Cheryl called and said she thought she saw Meryl on a run with DJ, I was supposed to have lunch with Tanith but she never showed even after I called, and I went past your house and no one was home. I’m worried about you, honey.” All of the motherly instincts deeply engrained within her were throwing up red flags, and Charlie cursed the fact that sometimes he lived in such a tiny bubble, even though most of the time he appreciated it more than he could say.

 

“It’s kind of a long story, Mom,” he sighed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

 

“Well start with you. Are you okay?” He should have known that would be the first question she’d ask. It was always the first question she asked. First and foremost, if he was doing what was right for him, he knew that she would support him. After all, she was his mom. If no one understood, she always would.

 

“I’m a little banged up, but I think I’ll be okay. I’m sorry she didn’t show up for lunch, I didn’t even know that was happening. I just needed to get away from everything for a few days, so I’m going to stick around Meryl’s until we leave for Cincinnati.” Charlie knew that if he told her his plan, no matter how short-term it was, it would help her feel better about the whole situation. “Mom I,” he paused, taking in a large breath and exhaling the truth, “I broke up with Tanith today.”

 

After a moment she spoke, “I love Tanith. She’s a wonderful girl. But I can’t say I’m surprised.” Once again, Jacqui won with her lack of subtlety. It was her ability to tell it like it was that had helped him grow into the confident, responsible, honest man that he was today. So much of himself he owed to her.

 

“Every day since we moved into the house I just felt more stifled and unsettled, and that’s only one of a handful of reasons.” Charlie tried to push his hair out of his face, but to no avail.

 

“She just isn’t your soulmate, Charlie.”

 

He rolled his eyes, “Mom, this is no time to start all of that talk again. I’ve already been target practice for you and Cheryl’s theories for almost 20 years, I just need some time before I can even think of that.”

 

“I know it’s going to take a lot of time to truly get over this, but you’re strong and you always find a way to get over any obstacle that’s in front of you,” Jacqui tried her best to give her son a pep-talk without sounding like she was interjecting too much.

 

“Charlie, you should tell Meryl you love her before it’s too late. I know it. Cheryl knows it. Heck, Meryl knows it. We all know it. Get with the program, son!” Charlie laughed, because leave it to his mom to totally shift his focus when he was trying to do the right thing.

 

“I know,” he admitted. For as long as he could remember he had shaken her off, swearing up and down that there was absolutely nothing romantic going on between him and his partner. Even when he had a childhood crush on Meryl, he did his best to keep it secret. Even though Jacqui had caught thousands of glances, small touches, and declarations of affection, he had still denied her hopes at every corner and fork in the road. But for the first time, he was fessing up to something he had run away from for a long time. He loved Meryl.

 

“Oh honey,” he could hear the happiness in his mom’s voice. Saying it to his mom had made it all the more real. Admitting it to the one person who had been there every step of the way was hard, but he had now crossed that bridge.

 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, mom. There’s still Tanith to deal with, and Maks, and convincing Meryl. We’re seriously only on step one of all of this.” The hard work that was still to come made his head ache. How could he convince Meryl that they were meant to be together, when he had spent so long telling her that they weren’t? He knew that she shared at least some of his feelings, but he had no idea how deep her feelings for Maks were. He had been so caught up in himself and his own struggles, that he had been a terrible friend and confidant.

 

“Don’t worry. Soulmates are soulmates, Charlie. Just believe in yourself. Take some time to figure out Tanith, and the rest will fall into place.” He knew that what she was saying was true. Honestly, the only thing he could control was how he reacted to Tanith and the end of their relationship. If Meryl wanted to be with him, she would be with him on the merit of all that they knew and loved about each other, and how well they worked together and respected one another.

 

He was worrying, when he knew that worrying solved nothing, just created more problems.

 

“Hey Mom, do you think we can talk about this a little more later? I just want some time to sort through the emotions before we get in too deep with all this soulmate talk.” Charlie wasn’t trying to dismiss his mother, but he needed a bit more time before he could seriously start contemplating the seriousness of the stakes between him and Meryl.

 

“Of course, Charlie. I’m just a short drive away if you need me. I love you,” she thankfully was willing to give him some space.

 

“I love you too, Mom.” And with that, what he imagined as being one of the hardest conversations of his life was over. He had escaped without any bruising or scars, and he knew that on a deeper level he and his mother were on the same page. When he got to the point she was ready for, Jacqui would be a great resource, he just wasn’t there quite yet.

 

Jumping up off the couch, Charlie went to go find Meryl with DJ scampering on her little legs behind him. He found her, curled up on the guest bed, reading a book. “Hey,” he smiled. Instead of going to her own room, she had come to the one that was his for the next few days. She was waiting for him.

 

“Hi! How’s Jacqui?” she asked kindly, looking up from her book.

 

“Jacqui-like,” he responded, knowing that she’d know exactly what that meant. He picked DJ up and tossed her on the bed before lying down on the bed a friendly distance away from Meryl.

 

“That bad?” she teased, arching her eyebrow and putting a bookmark in her book to mark her place.

 

He settled on his back, lying flat and looking at the crisp white ceiling of the guest room. “It honestly went a whole lot easier than I was expecting, but I think I was just blowing everything out of proportion in my head.”

 

“Well, you technically haven’t even broken up with Tanith yet.” Her eyes betrayed dormant feelings of longing, and if Charlie hadn’t glanced over at the correct second, he wouldn’t have noticed it at all.

 

“Mer,” he rolled over to look at her, sighing audibly. “It is already over. I told her my intentions as clearly as I possibly could. I know that she wants me to change my mind, and I’m really sorry that I can’t give that to her, but I just can’t.” He didn’t know why she seemed to fear that his feelings would change for some unknown reason. She knew him better than that. She knew he didn’t make decisions lightly, and he was a man of his convictions.

 

“I still am kind of shocked. I know you’ve been going back and forth for the last few weeks, well, at least for the last week since you’ve been telling me about it, but five years is a lot of life,” she frowned, and once again all he wanted to do was to kiss it away. Now that it was being constantly tested, his self-control was getting much stronger than he could have ever imagined. Besides, while kissing away the frown might temporarily relieve the problem, it really didn’t solve anything in the long run.

 

“You know, I think I’ve known for a long time. If you’ve been with someone as long as I was with her, you should really wantthat future. You should long for that future from somewhere deep inside you. That need should rattle inside of you during everything that you do. But for the past five years I was so focused on us and the Olympics, and I never took the time to realize that pull wasn’t there. I always saw myself with her in that moment, because I lived in the moment.” Charlie was amazed that he could put all of this into words. So much of his relationship with Meryl relied on the fact that they didn’t need to speak, but he felt in that moment like everything he was saying was helping him just as much as it was helping her. It was cathartic. “But you get a house, and you have a dog, and people keep asking questions about rings and kids and when those wheels started spinning, there was no traction for them.”

 

She reached over and cupped his face with her delicate hand. Brushing her thumb over his cheek in the most tender of exchanges, her eyes said it all. It made sense to her, and he knew that she wouldn’t question it again. They were having these big discussions about their future beyond skating for the first time in their lives. Neither of them had ever discussed what would happen when the skating competitions were done, and they were meant to settle into whatever would become their new normal. They went to school, they had relationships, they had hobbies they enjoyed, but the future was a far-off entity that they couldn’t comprehend.

 

“You’re so sure, and I have no idea. Life since we left the podium has just been full-steam ahead, all the time, and I just don’t know what’s right. I want to be completely certain.” He reached up to cup her hand with his own. They were so close and yet not quite close enough. They were right where they needed to be, and yet couldn’t be further from where he wanted to be. There were miles still to go, and miles he’d already crossed, and he couldn’t help but feel like this would be the hardest battle he’d ever fight. But hard battles are worth it, they make you appreciate the work far more.

 

He shushed her, leaning in to kiss her forehead. She snuck closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and nuzzling right into the perfect crook his body created just for her. All of a sudden, DJ barked, breaking them apart and causing them both to laugh hysterically. “You can get some of this love too, needy,” Charlie directed his jab at DJ, who upon being given attention, jumped right in the middle of the partners. They both pounced on DJ, giving her all sorts of cuddles and extra attention.

 

“You know that I could see this too right?” she said, looking up from the dog, straight into his eyes. He nodded his head, a tentative yes. “We could do this every night right before bed. We could relive the glory days, well, and the not so glory days.”

 

He coughed dramatically, “Cup of Russia.”

 

Meryl laughed instinctively, “Yes, Cup of Russia. I could make your toast, and you could brew my tea. We could have season tickets to the Red Wings and the Pistons, just so we’re both happy. All of that could be a reality.”

 

“I know there’s a ‘but’ coming here soon, so you might as well just rip off the Band-Aid,” he tried to keep his smile intact, but he could feel it slipping.

 

“Maks and I haven’t really defined our relationship, Charlie. But it’s good. I don’t think he’d believe me if I told him that you were in love with me, because it will seem so out of left field to him,” she bit her lip, and he ran a finger over it, trying to get her to stop from hurting herself. “I told him once that I didn’t know if I could ever love anyone as much as I love you. But I also told him that if you hadn’t seen that in 17 years, you’d never see it.”

 

“He must think I’m the biggest idiot he’s ever met,” Charlie shrugged. Because he was. Charlie had been blind for so long and he had no idea how he’d missed it. Maybe the sequins had blinded him, or the bright lights shining off the ice, but something had kept him from realizing how near-sighted he had been until recently.

 

“I feel so terrible because right now I’m trying to think about him, but all I can think about is the exact amount of inches between us right now, and how much I want to eliminate them. God, Charlie, there’s just so many different outcomes to think about,” she ran her hands nervously through her hair, pulling it over one shoulder like she often did when she was thinking too hard.

 

She had said she wanted him. She had not only said she wanted him, but also that she had expressed it to Maks in far plainer terms than she had ever expressed it to him. She had told Maks that she loved him long before she’d ever told him. That alone had to give him some hope, didn’t it? There had to be some small glimmer that all of that feeling, dormant for so many years, could triumph.

 

Jacqui had always taught him that true love was never wrong.

 

Her lips were right there, and she smelled like heaven, and her hair would feel so good between his fingers. They had expressed their mutual adoration for each other, and he knew if he reached for her, that she wouldn’t stop him. He wanted to run his hands down her back, grip her hips to his, and leave the fact that he was a gentleman at the door.

 

He wanted to so badly that it began to physically hurt.

 

But he couldn’t.

 

Meryl was his soulmate, and she deserved to be treated with respect. He had to prove to her how much he loved her by maintaining his space, and not trying to test their level of dignity. But then again, that was the first time he’d ever called her his soulmate. The word that had always been owned by their mothers, was now owned by him. He claimed it, heart and soul, body and mind.

 

She looked up at him shyly, “I think we’re thinking the same thing right now.”

 

That, while it made his heart sing, also felt like a punch to the gut. “Are you sure?” he asked, bracing himself, because if she so much as brushed a hair against him right now, he knew his resolve would break.

 

He’d never seen her look so sexy. Right now, he wanted to devour her and cover her in kisses. He could make love to her in that instant and not regret it for a second, but he couldn’t do that to her. “I’ve never been more sure of anything,” she laughed, a symphony of sound that came from one tiny body. It was like he was hearing her laugh for the first time, and it was striking chords within him that he didn’t know could be struck. “If you kissed me right now, I don’t think we’d ever stop, but I know I’d never forgive myself.”

 

“I would never put you in that position, Mer. But I hope with everything I am this isn’t my last chance,” Charlie admitted to her.

 

“Rain check?” she beamed at him.

 

“It’s a deal,” he promised her, as he smiled.


	7. Changing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually add notes to any of my chapters, but I just wanted to warn everyone to prepare for the emotional roller-coaster coming up in the next several chapters, starting with this one. Thanks for reading!

The next day they spent on their respective sides of the couch, their only shared touch occurring when their knuckles knocked into one another’s as they reached for more popcorn out of the shared bowl between them. They had scowered her condo for a movie, but only came up with a handful of films they had already seen countless times. Meryl shrugged and reminded him that when you spend ten hours on the ice a day, you don’t really think about going out to movies much. When their search for a movie turned up empty, they had quickly realized that Meryl still hadn’t gotten her internet turned back on, either, so streaming was out.

 

Charlie had an idea, “Our moms are always watching movies when we’re traveling. One of them has to have Netflix, right?”

 

“Are you really going to risk a second phone call in one day?” she teased. He loved the way her eyes lit up whenever she sent playful jabs his way. His heart was beginning to feel a whole lot less heavy. She was helping to fill some of the emptiness he was trying to fight through within himself.

 

“Good call. I don’t know if I could stand to hear my mom say ‘soulmate’ one more time within a 24 hour period,” he laughed.

 

“She did not!” Meryl’s eyes went huge, and her mouth dropped.

 

“Typical Jacqui,” he sent her his award-winning crooked smile.

 

“Typical Jacqui,” she agreed, snuggling into her side of the couch, a fleece blanket thrown over her exposed legs.

 

“So… Frozen? For the 3000th time?” he knew before she even answered that’d be what she wanted to watch. He sighed internally, letting her have her way. Charlie could not begin to describe how many Disney movies he’d watched on an endless loop with his partner over the years. He called her obsession crazy, Meryl called it dedication.

 

It was the middle of the afternoon when they heard a knock at the door. They looked at each other, both with a confused look on their face. “I’m not expecting anyone,” she said, puzzled as to who would be showing up at her place unannounced. Visitors were rare, and this was the second one to arrive within two days.

 

“Do you want me to get it?” he asked.

 

“No, I’ll grab it.” She tossed the blanket off of her lap and jumped up. “Don’t eat all of the popcorn!” she warned him before heading towards the door.

 

Meryl flung it open, never expecting to see the face behind the door. “Tanith!” she exclaimed.

 

Charlie quickly calculated all of the closest hiding spots. Meryl’s couch was pretty big, if he just ducked behind it, maybe she wouldn’t be able to find him. The hall closet was only a few steps away, but then he’d be in full view of the door. How had he gone from buying a house with someone to suddenly wanting nothing more than to evaporate? He was supposed to have another day. He was supposed to have time.

 

But no matter what your concept of time is, you always have too much or too little, and his time was up.

 

“Meryl, I need to talk to my boyfriend.” He could hear the word she spat out in such a way, it was obviously meant to sting Meryl. He felt terrible that she had to be a part of this, stuck in the middle of an impossible situation that he should have never put her into. He had to act fast.

 

“Tanith, I’m right here,” he said, rounding the corner and coming up behind Meryl whose arm still held the door open. “Do you really think it’s appropriate to show up here right now?”

 

“Do you really think it’s appropriate for you to be here?” she countered.

 

If he had thought she’d calm down given some space, he was wrong. He could see the flame lit within her, as it blazed just behind the surface of her eyes. “Hey Mer, do you mind if we have a minute?” Charlie asked her politely, trying his best to get her as far away from Tanith’s wrath as he could.

 

“Or she could stay. The more the merrier,” Tanith was seething.

 

“Yeah Charlie, I think I’m just going to head out for a walk,” Meryl tried her best not to look dejected as she carefully passed Tanith, making her way towards the sidewalk.

 

“Well can I come in?” Tanith asked, a little more calmly.

 

“I guess now’s as good a time as any,” he replied, dramatically swinging his arm to direct her inside.

 

She passed him, making her way into the living room. When Charlie followed her, he realized that it was obvious that he and Meryl had been curled up on the couch watching movies, but the fact that they weren’t cuddled together was indistinguishable by how the blankets were thrown. He cursed himself for not picking up things a bit before he had gone to the door. He wished that he had been the one to get the door, so Meryl could have been spared from all of this, and he could have talked Tanith into having this conversation anywhere but here.

 

Tanith turned around to face him, “So you ran to her. Right away, without thought of what I’d think or how it’d make me feel?”

 

That hit him hard. But where else would he have gone? Who else would he have run to? Tanith had always known that his bond with Meryl ran deeper than either of them could ever explain. She had to have known it, or else she wouldn’t have known exactly where to find him. He replied honestly, “It was the first place I could think of to go.”

 

“It’s always going to be her, isn’t it?” Tanith asked, slowly sitting down on the couch.

 

He paced, not knowing how to respond. “Don’t blame her for something she didn’t do. This is between us.”

 

Her face betrayed the fact that she didn’t quite believe him. “I just hoped that you’d come back,” she exhaled.

 

“Tan,” his jaw clenched, “I don’t know what to say that I haven’t already said.”

 

“Can we just have one last day?” she asked, and he knew that he should say no. He knew that he should just ask her to go. It made so much logical sense. And yet, how could he turn down her one request when he had done so much to hurt her? He was tearing apart her whole world, and all she wanted was a few hours.

 

He kicked himself for trying to be agreeable, when he knew it was just going to hurt them both more in the end. “If I agree to that, there are going to be boundaries. I’m not going to lie to you. I can’t… I can’t and I won’t. I know you well enough to know that you’re going to want some moment of closure straight out of a movie that I can’t give you.”

 

She choked back the tears threatening to fall, “Charlie, a day ago I was certain that I would be with you for the rest of my life.”

 

The knife was thrust into his chest. “I’m so sorry, Tan,” he kneeled down beside the couch next to her, taking her hand. “I never set out to hurt you. I’m so sorry for being a blind idiot who couldn’t see what was in front of my fucking face, but I just didn’t.” This was the hardest moment in his life, and all he wanted to do was to throw himself out the nearest window. He had taken one of the greatest people he knew, and had crushed her like a bug on the pavement. 

 

She had done nothing to deserve this.

 

“I love you,” she said sincerely, looking into his eyes.

 

“I love you too, Tanith,” he spoke slowly, “but some things are just not meant to.”

 

\--------------------

 

He had agreed to a late lunch, which led to a short walk around the mall. “Charlie, I think it’s time you get a haircut,” she said to him kindly as he tried to no avail to push his blonde curls out of his eyes for the tenth time in the last half hour.

 

“But Marina would kill me,” he stopped himself. His skating career might be over. Marina had no say in his choice of hairstyle anymore. “Fuck it, I’m getting a haircut,” he said, flippantly.

 

“I know a great place,” Tanith smiled at him.

 

An hour later, the mop was gone, and he had even taken a few pictures with her to prove it to the world.

 

“Tanith, how does this work out? Do we have to tell the world, or do we kind of let that happen on its own?” he asked her on the drive back to Meryl’s.

 

“I think you kind of just let it die. Let people forget,” she sighed, pausing. “Maybe it’s best if you just let the world think we’re still together, just so we both have some time to move on.”

 

“You’re okay with that?” he questioned. It seemed like it would only hurt them both more to talk about it, if asked. However, the fact that people wouldn’t be pressing him for details or making him feel even worse than he already did were definite upsides.

 

“Charlie, I don’t think I have a say in your life anymore.” That was the moment. The moment when the hold on each other broke, and they ceased to be an ‘us’ or a ‘we.’ They were now just Charlie and Tanith, two people who had been important to each other at some point in their lives. It would become distant with every passing day, until they’d forget the minute details about one another. They’d slowly slip into the past, becoming more and more of a memory every day.

 

She slowly pulled into Meryl’s driveway, and he had no idea what to say. He reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently.

 

She spoke up, “Can you just say it. One more time?”

 

“Tanith, I love you.” He spoke the words she wanted to hear, and that he wanted to remember. It was the last time, the ending of an era, and in a lot of ways the end of a dream.

 

“Thanks, Charlie,” she said quietly, letting his hand go. He took his time getting out of the car, shutting the door very deliberately. His heart felt like it weighed 10,000 pounds, and he carried it all the way up the path to Meryl’s door.

 

This was the place where it was all ending, and hopefully the next chapter would be beginning. 

 

He knocked on the door gently, timid about what he could say to Meryl. She was either going to be completely silent or have questions that would keep his head spinning.

 

She opened the door, and it felt like it took hours before he saw her face once more. “You got a haircut,” she smiled at him in wonder. He laughed, picking her up and giving her one of the biggest hugs he had ever given her. She could have put him on trial, questioning where he’d been and why he’d gone. She could have given him the cold shoulder, refusing to speak with him for the next day. But instead, she’d noticed that he got his hair cut.

 

He put her feet back onto the ground, but kept his tight grasp around her waist. “Do you like it?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.

 

“I can’t see it if you keep doing that!” she playfully swatted him away.

 

A moment earlier, his heart had felt infinitely heavy, but with a single look she was able to melt so much of the pain away. That’s why she would always be his best friend, no matter where life would take them.

 

“You look so much older!” He tensed. “In a good way!” she reassured him. She grabbed his hand, leading him into the living room so they could sit on the couch. “It’s so different,” she continued to stare at him.

 

“It’ll grow back,” he trailed off, not sure if she was just being polite, or she actually liked it. So far, his best gauge was that she was having a mixed reaction.

 

“It’s like I’m looking at a whole new person, is all,” she replied, running her hands through it, testing the waters.

 

He leaned into her hand, enjoying the feel of her touch upon his scalp. There had been times when he had become so stressed, that the only way to calm him down was for her to run her fingers through his hair. More than anything, it made him feel that familiar sense of comfort.

 

“You look less like the boy I’ve grown up with, and more like the man that you’ve always wanted to be,” she finally said, giving him the approval he had been looking for.

 

He grabbed her wrists softly, placing a kiss inside each one. “Meryl,” he started, trying to decide what he should say. Should he continue talking about a surface subject like his hair, or tell her about what had occurred that day? He decided that he needed to lay it all out on the line for her. “Tanith and I are officially done. We talked about it, we spent some time together, and now that door is closed. I just want you to know that.”

 

“I was scared. When I came home you were gone, and I just didn’t know,” her eyes fell, and he brushed a hand against her cheek.

 

“I needed to try and leave things in the best way that I could. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know what was happening,” he spoke truthfully.

 

“No, I understand. We’re not together, Charlie. You don’t owe me any explanations.” Once again, she was biting her lip, and avoiding eye contact with him.

 

“But I want to be. I know it can’t happen right now, and I don’t know how long I might have to wait, but I will wait. I know that sounds stupid, but I am willing to do whatever it takes.”

 

“Charlie, it’s too much,” she said getting up, putting distance between them. “I told you I don’t know yet, and I want to be here for you, but I also don’t want to allow you to think that I’m just going to come running into your arms the second you decide you’re over Tanith.”

 

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked, staring at the floor. How had he already messed this up? How had he put so much pressure on her already?

 

“No! That’s the last thing I want you to do!” Meryl said, exasperated. “I don’t want you to ever leave me, Charlie.”

 

“Then I won’t,” he assured her.

 

“But what if you do? I couldn’t deal with that! What if your love for me runs out, too?” He couldn’t take this anymore. He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, and he could feel her whole body relax into his embrace.

 

“I’m going to see Maks this week,” she told him, and it hit him like a ton of bricks. He didn’t let her go. “I’m going to spend time with him, just like I had planned, and I need to be honest and tell you that.”

 

“I understand,” he spoke into her ear, holding her even tighter. As much as it hurt, he knew that the only way they could trust each other was if they kept telling each other their honest feelings, no matter the consequences.

 

“I know you just broke up with Tanith, and it’s way too soon, but I was just wondering… would you kiss me?” He was so taken aback by her question that he didn’t know what to do. 

 

His whole body froze as his mind zoomed through all of the possibilities and probable outcomes. She turned around to face him, “It’s okay, Charlie. I shouldn’t have asked…”

 

He stopped her mid-sentence, reaching with both hands to cup her face and bring her lips towards his. He had thought about this so many times over the last few months, ever since their free dance in Sochi, really. But was he ready?

 

Their foreheads pressed against one another, the air supercharged with tension. They both breathed heavily, a combination of the moment and the argument they’d been having a moment earlier. “You never have to apologize for asking me to kiss you,” he said. “Are you sure it’s what you want?”

 

Her nod was so timid; he wanted to be as gentle with her as he could be. Painstakingly slowly, he brought their faces closer together until his lips were pressed against hers. He could have sworn somewhere that this moment would be remembered as the greatest moment in all of history. She was hesitant at first, but it wasn’t long before their lips were speaking promises that their hearts didn’t know if they could follow through with yet. She was so willing, and the moment she opened her mouth for him, he knew he was lost forever. She snaked her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Charlie tried his best to maintain the kind, slow nature of the kiss, but all reasonable thought had left and only instinct was left to guide them.

 

Meryl backed him up, pushing him against the wall, and he played with the bottom lip that she liked to bite so much. When they had to break apart to breathe, they both laughed, the happiness of the moment bubbling up inside them. He had never felt this way, simply from one kiss. While he knew every subtle nuance of her body, it was like he was discovering her for the first time. He caught a glimpse at her smile even through his heavy-lidded eyes, and he pulled her in for another kiss, missing the contact of her lips, and loving that he could feel her project her happiness into their embrace.

 

This time, he kept it slow, memorizing the exact way that she felt. When they pulled apart again, he knew they needed to quit before they took things farther than they should. “Wow,” was all she said, causing them both to launch into a brand new set of giggles.

 

“It’s the haircut, isn't it?” he teased, helping to break the tension and bring them both back down to Earth.


	8. Texting

Cincinnati had been great. The trip helped them both feel like the old days, when their partnership was easy and professional and friendly and everything made sense. It was New York that Charlie was dreading. New York was a wonderful place, full of so many amazing opportunities for the pair to gain even more exposure and promote a product for one of their sponsors.

 

 

Did anyone like talking about tissues non-stop? No.

 

 

Did Charlie like pretending he and Tanith were still together? No.

 

 

Did Charlie like Meryl being constantly asked about Maks? Hell to the naw.

 

 

If he had it his way, he would have ended every interview the second they brought up that big, good looking, Russian hunk of Meryl’s-man-meat. But Maks was a good person, and he deserved Charlie’s respect. He did his best to play it off, even going so far as to say it was actually  _he_ and Maks who had a showmance during the show. But c’mon, everyone should know his real brolationship was with  _James_.

 

 

Every second was harder and harder, knowing just how excited she was to see Maks and his entire crew. While Charlie could offer himself to her heart and soul, he didn’t have any new, interesting friends and contacts to fold into the mix. Meryl already knew all of his friends, and she was equally a part of all of his business partnerships and ambitions. He was just plain ole’ Charlie, not the bright and shiny mirror-ball lit Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

 

 

They made him sit too far away from her on the couch. He sat with his back rigidly straight, and kept body contact with her to a minimum. When it came to to eat lunch, she went for coffee while he wandered into a sandwich shop on his own. It was the first time he had really begun to grasp the idea that after all he had already done to show Meryl how much he loved her, and wanted to always love her, that she could choose someone else. She could go a completely different way and he’d have to play the role of supportive friend, just like she had for five years.

 

 

He didn’t think he could muster that same kind of patience.

 

 

Meryl was the strong one. Meryl was his rock. Charlie was the one who followed his heart instead of his head, and often ended up stuck at dead-end streets and in the constant loops of roundabouts. Charlie was take action first and think later, where Meryl debated the options in her organized, neat way. She made lists, checked them off, and weighed each pro and con.

 

 

Charlie jumped, and Meryl tested the waters.

 

 

Charlie wanted to hide under a rock. And when it came time, that’s just what he did. Their flights had been planned for the same time, but he couldn’t stand the idea of a night in New York on his own. So she had given him her key without question, and he had gone back home. To her home.

 

 

DJ was still with his mom, so the condo was eerily quiet as he walked in. 

 

 

He was immediately assaulted by the smell of all things her, and he really wished that she was in Michigan with  _him_ and not in New York with  _them._  He knew he was being selfish, and that she needed to have a life of her own that didn’t always involve him, but he also knew that he wanted to figure out what was happening between them.

 

 

They hadn’t kissed since the night he had finished things with Tanith. She had given him room to grieve, and he had appreciated it, because he knew that with Hawaii coming up, he had so much to do. He needed to call Tanith and see when he could pick up his things, contact his lawyer to figure out the logistics of signing over his half of the house, and find a place to live. He couldn’t stay at Meryl’s forever, and nights like this left him focusing on all of the many tasks at hand.

 

 

Speaking of  _Tanith_ , was she still going to Hawaii or was he going to be alone? Was one option even any better than the other?

 

 

How does one make a friendly phone call to one’s ex? Charlie didn’t know, so he flopped onto Meryl’s couch and texted Tanith instead.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Hey, I was just wondering if there was a good time to come get the rest of my stuff?

 

 

Her reply was a lot quicker than he’d expected. But it was the picture of them kissing that threw him off… he’d probably need to change that.

 

 

 **Tanith:** We should probably get together and talk about house stuff, but don’t worry about it until after your vacation.

 

 

She had brought it up, so it was easy to piggy-back his next question.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Are you still planning on going?

 

 

 **Tanith:** Yes. Don’t worry, I already called and changed the reservation so we now have separate rooms. They're adjoining, but it’s the best I could do.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Okay. See you in Hawaii, then.

 

 

He didn’t know what to say, so he copped out of the conversation. When his phone lit up again, he got a text he wasn’t expecting.

 

 

 **Mer:** I miss you already.

 

 

He knew she was with Maks and all of his friends, but she had taken the time to text him. He needed that shred of hope to hold onto, and she had provided it hook, line, and sinker.

 

 

 **Charlie:** You could always come back and veg on the couch with me…

 

 

 **Mer:** Deal. How does tomorrow sound? It’s going to be a sunglasses kind of day. Hashtag mixing liquor makes Meryl sicker.

 

 

Charlie laughed. He was glad she was having a good time, even if it meant that she could very well enjoy New York and the life she was building there more than the one back at home with him, but friendship would always be the foundation of their relationship. While he was jealous, he knew that he needed to support her.

 

 

He wanted nothing more than to be the reason for her smile to be so bright, though. Their comfortable silence earlier in the day hadn’t been uncomfortable, but he could feel the weight of everything unspoken that was permeating the air.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Great news! Tanith and I have adjoining rooms in Hawaii! Hashtag hello team awkward city.

 

 

Sometimes they would have full conversations in terrible hashtags, and those were some of the funniest conversations they’d ever had. He had a field day earlier with his #MerylSaidIt riot he started on twitter. That felt like the old days, but really, the old days had only been a few months ago. They could get that back.

 

 

 **Meryl:** You could always just stay with me… Hashtag winky face.

 

 

Charlie wasn’t quite sure, but he thought she might be flirting with him. He debated whether he should play into it, or let it go because he knew that she had been drinking. When it came down to it, he was lonely and he was going to enjoy every second of the conversation, because he didn’t know where they would stand when she came home.

 

 

 **Charlie:** I already practically live with you. I’m a certified hobo.

 

 

 **Meryl:** We have separate bedrooms!

 

 

 **Charlie:** And where would you expect me to sleep in Hawaii? In the hallway?

 

 

He thought that one was pretty good. He was a pretty funny guy. He obviously knew how to put the moves on a lady. Charlie shook his own head at the thought… no. No he did not know how to put the moves on a lady.

 

 

 **Meryl:** I have a king-sized bed…

 

 

Meryl wasn’t a drunk texter, was she?

 

 

 **Charlie:** Excuse me, but did Meryl Davis drown in her drink? Who am I talking to?

 

 

 **Meryl:** The one and only, sugar puff.

 

 

He arched an eyebrow. Sugar Puff? What were they letting her drink? 

 

 

Also, why wasn’t he there to witness this moment?  If he had received an invitation, would he have accepted? Did Maks even know that he and Tanith were over, or that he was staying with Meryl? So many questions and so few answers. And with Meryl using terms like “sugar puff” he wasn’t likely to be getting those answers any time soon.

 

 

 **Charlie:** What happened to my dear, sweet, Meryl?

 

 

 **Meryl:** Take a walk on the wild side, Char. Hashtag I still miss you.

 

 

He knew that he should probably stop texting her. Either he was going to make a fool of himself trying to flirt with her, and she would remember every detail in the morning and tease him endlessly, or she would get too drunk and end up saying something she’d regret. He didn’t want either one. He also knew that she was with Maks, which meant he was probably touching her, kissing her hairline, wrapping his big hands around her waist, pulling her in close… At least the texts were helping keep his mind from the worst possibilities. If she was texting him, she wasn’t in bed with Maks.

 

 

But what if she went to bed with Maks?

 

 

When had Charlie White become such a spaz?

 

 

 **Meryl:** You took too long to respond. I miss you more now.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Have fun, beautiful. Isn’t that what staying longer in New York was all about?

 

 

He had to be the gentleman and remind her what she was doing there. It was supposed to be about her. He was supposed to give her space. He was supposed to not want her home nearly as badly as he did, and he just couldn’t help it. Meryl had complete control over him, he was wrapped around her tiny little finger, and he knew that if she wanted she could work him like a puppet. Luckily, he trusted her enough to know that she’d never do that. At least not intentionally.

 

 

It was still possible that he’d be crushed.

 

 

 **Meryl:** How come you’re drunk, or I’m drunk- but we’re never drunk together? Hashtag binger- happening soon!

 

 

Charlie was so surprised at the words coming from her fingers. He didn’t even know if she really understood what a “binger” was. Meryl wasn’t an angel by any means, she had done her fair share of late nights with her sorority sisters, but she had never told him about frequenting “bingers.” 

 

 

 **Charlie:** You’re not allowed to hashtag more than me. Hashtag I’ve got mad bartending skills.

 

 

 **Meryl:** Charlie, pouring a beer into a cup does not qualify as “mad bartending skills.”

 

 

He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun texting her. He liked the feisty, sassy, alive side of Meryl that Maks had helped to bring out. So, okay, maybe the Russian wasn’t such a bad guy after all. If only he just wasn’t  _quite_ as good looking. That’d make Charlie feel better.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Hey. I called you beautiful- and all you do is insult me. Hashtag frowny face.

 

 

 **Meryl:** YOU’RE A PRETTY PRINCESS! There. Better?

 

 

Two could play at this game.

 

 

 **Charlie:** Really? REALLY? No more texts for you, Miss Thang. Hashtag sassy snaps. Hashtag head sway.

 

 

He put his phone down on the couch and went to start some laundry. Living life out of one suitcase was something he was used to, but it didn’t leave him with very many options. He made a note to himself that he’d probably have to go get more of his clothes from the house, or buy some somewhere. The second option sounded more appealing, and he hated shopping.

 

 

When he got back to his phone there were far more texts than he had expected.

 

 

 **Meryl:** You cannot out-sass me!!

 

 

 **Meryl:** White girl drunk.

 

 

 **Meryl:** I mean, white girl wasted.

 

 

 **Meryl:** Charlie! Charlie come back!

 

 

 **Meryl:** I will never ever, ever, ever, everrrrrrr give you my sweet lady kisses again.

 

 

Yeah. She was flirting.


	9. Deciding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FROM THIS POINT ON, THIS IS AN ADULT STORY AND CONTAINS ADULT SCENARIOS... 
> 
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Charlie couldn’t fall asleep without her presence in the condo. He tossed and turned, staring blankly at the wall with eyes that failed desperately to stay closed. His mind raced through the worst possibilities one by one, as memories of seeing Maks’ hands running across Meryl’s smooth, alabaster skin played in an endless loop. In that moment, he felt true jealousy for the first time. It had him sleepless at four in the morning questioning everything he thought he knew.

 

Meryl had continued texting him all night, and in the pictures posted online of her from the evening, her phone was clearly visible in her hand as she clutched it like it was her lifeline. It was _he_ who was on the other end of that line for her, all night. It was Charlie who had been on her mind even while she was states away.

 

He knew all of this, _for a fact,_ yet all rational thought flew out the window the second she said that she was going to bed. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake the thought that he had no right to her. No claim had been made, no relationship status had changed, but he wanted to feel like he had some pull over her. _God_ did he wish that he did. She could very well be riding a fresh wave of happiness between Maks’ sheets, and if she was, could he get over it?

 

Charlie and Meryl weren’t together, but could he live with the fact that he had shared her?

 

Giving her time and space was what he was trying his best to do, but he couldn’t help dwelling on how she was keeping two men within arm’s reach while they raced after the same heart.

 

He was trying to make peace with all of this, but he realized he would keep himself up all night with the thoughts that were plaguing his insomniac mind. If he didn’t get to sleep soon, the sun would begin peering into the room as it shined through the curtains. His phone vibrated on the nightstand, catching his attention when he was just about to fall asleep.

 

 **Mer:** I can’t sleep.

 

How could she have known he would be awake, tossing and turning over scenarios in his head? Somehow, she always had an uncanny sense of when he’d be doing that. It was always nights before specific competitions, days they’d had bad practices, or when the Detroit Red Wings would lose tough games, but by some means she knew when things were tough for him and found a way to try and smooth out as many of the edges as possible.

 

 **Charlie:** I can’t either. Did you drink enough water?

 

Charlie always did his best to protect his partner. It was something that came naturally to him after so many years on the ice together. He really didn’t want her to have to ride a plane home with a hangover because he knew _that_ was the absolute worst. The pressure and the popping of one’s ears, combined with a head that was trying to rise above last night’s alcohol? There really wasn’t anything worse than that feeling.

 

 **Mer:** I drank water every single time you told me to. Promise.

 

He smiled, unfortunately losing grip on his phone and dropping it on his face. Late night texting was truly a dangerous sport. He rubbed his head carefully, doing his best to text her back with only one hand.

 

 **Charlie:** I just dropped my phone on my head. Hashtag huge bump in the morning.

 

He could just imagine Meryl snickering and trying to contain her laughter when she saw the text.

 

 **Mer:** … No words, Char. What’s keeping you up so late?

 

Should he tell her? Should he let himself go there, especially over text? Before Meryl, he had never held an important conversation over text messaging, and yet it seemed to be happening all the time now. Charlie thought that maybe it was just because he was just weak for Meryl. Who was he trying to kid? He was definitely weak for Meryl, but how could she always help him find the words when he didn’t know what to say or even how to say it?

 

 **Charlie:** The condo’s too quiet. I can’t even imagine living on my own right now.

 

He had never lived on his own. He’d lived with his family, he’d lived with roommates, and he’d lived with Tanith. There was never a time he’d truly been on his own when it came to the simple tasks of everyday life, and that was terrifying. What if he remembered to feed DJ but forgot to feed himself? What if he left the water running when he left the house? What if the pilot light went out?

 

Really, he was still a child in so many ways.

 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t self-sufficient or incapable; he just hadn’t done it completely by himself. Sadly, it was severely engrained in him to be co-dependent. Being on his own after being a part of something for so long was a scary idea that Charlie couldn’t seem to fully fathom.

 

 **Mer:** Pull-out couches do not make for comfy beds.

 

She wasn’t in _his_ bed. Charlie didn’t know the circumstances or the reasoning as to why, or even if she had gone to the sofa bed on her own or had been asked to, but she wasn’t in Maks’ bed now.

 

He was fairly certain that Meryl and Maks had slept together before, and while it ripped him apart at the time, he had still been dating Tanith.

 

Meryl and Charlie were both single adults and they could both equally enjoy that fact. He couldn’t begrudge her that.

 

But when it came to her, he was hopeless.

 

 **Charlie:** Care to share?

 

 **Mer:** I want to come home.

 

 **Charlie:** The condo will still be here whenever you come back.

 

 **Mer:** No. I mean that I want to be with you. Wherever you are.

 

He was rendered utterly speechless. There were no words that expressed enough, there were no smiles big enough, there was no way that there was enough space in his heart to contain and express all of the emotions he was feeling. The words she had spoken were confessions of a true heart in the quiet hours of the morning, where declarations of intention could not be more pure.

 

Did this mean all that he thought it meant? Was he man enough to ask? He was caught off guard by the sound of Scheherazade beginning to play and he rushed to pick up his phone.

 

“Hello?” he answered, his voice sounding far too loud in the empty space.

 

Meryl whispered in response, “Sorry to call so late.”

 

Charlie chuckled, because not only did she know that he was already awake, but she knew that he would always pick up her call no matter the hour. Suddenly, it was like they were back in high school. In those days, late night homework calls to keep each other company, talking through practices far past their bedtimes, nerding out over sci-fi books they had both read had been their _thing_. In those days, it was like they could talk far more easily on the phone than they could in person.

 

“Don’t worry about it. What’s up?” He was genuinely curious as to why she had called when their means of communication all night had been text.

 

There was a long pause before she answered him, “I think I want to try, Charlie. Like _really_ try. But I don’t want to rush into it. I want to take this year off from skating and focus on _us._ Is that okay? Are you alright with that?” Charlie could hear the nervousness in her voice, the unassured way that she asked if they were on the same page truly cemented that she was earnest and had weighed all of her options.

 

She had chosen him.

 

He spoke with a tone of laughter in his voice, “Of course you tell me this on the phone.”

 

There was nothing else that he needed to say. They had known after Sochi they were going to take at least a year off to evaluate their competitive future. She knew that all he wanted was to try and figure out if their partnership could evolve into more. Once again, as they always had before, they found themselves on the same page when it came to the way their lives would intertwine and continue into the future.

 

Before he could say anything, Meryl interrupted his chain of thought, “Before you say anything, Charlie, I need to be honest with you.” His stomach dropped.  “I kissed Maks over the last couple days, several times. More last night than tonight, and that’s probably why things seemed weird today between you and I. I think I made up my mind after the very first one, but I kept doing it to make sure. I don’t want you to feel like I’ve trapped you in a lie.”

 

He could respect the things she was saying, and the fact that she was being forthright, but he couldn’t say that it didn’t come without a huge pain that was growing within his chest. Had she felt the same way Charlie now did when she had seen him express his feelings for Tanith?

 

If so, he couldn’t imagine what hurt he must have caused her. She had always taken his previous relationship with a friendly smile while providing support he didn’t deserve.

 

If she could take that, he could take this small wound.

 

His eyes were drooping, heavier by the second, and he knew he couldn’t stay on the phone much longer unless he wanted to risk falling asleep with her on the line.

 

He had so much that he wanted to say, but it was so late that his brain had stopped being able to process it all quickly enough. “Mer, the sooner we go to bed, the sooner we can talk about all of this in person,” his voice was low, the sleepiness slipping through.

 

“I love you, Charlie. Sleep tight,” she spoke gently, conveying to him that she wasn’t angry he was cutting the conversation short.

 

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” he answered back to her, the same way his parents always taught him when he was growing up. He knew she’d probably tease him later, but it was a response built in habit over the span of his entire life.

 

Hanging up the phone, he curled up with his pillow, closed his eyes, and quickly fell asleep.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Charlie woke up in the early afternoon to the sound of the front door being flung open and the sound of a large thud. He heaved the covers off of himself, threw on some shorts, and ran out the door of his room like he was a kid on Christmas morning.

 

Standing in the hall was Meryl, looking every bit as beautiful and slightly drunk as he could have imagined. He laughed to himself, shaking his head, and she broke into a wide smile, quickly shirking all the things in her arms and dashing to him.

 

He wrapped his arms around her, and she nuzzled her face into his bare chest. “You’re a sight for sore eyes,” he spoke into her hair.

 

“More like a sight that’s making your eyes sore!” she teased. “Take me back to bed right this instant!”

 

She was making a command to him, so of course the gentlemanly thing to do was comply.

 

He grabbed her and they both joined in a chorus of laughter as he threw her over his shoulder and made his way back into the guest bedroom. The blankets were a mess, but he tossed her down right in the center of the bed, earning renewed giggles from Meryl.

 

The laughter died down abruptly though, as he gently took off her sandals and then covered them both with the bedspread. She instantly found the perfect spot to curl into him, drowning herself in the sheets and pillows that all smelled distinctly of Charlie. Her guest room sheets and pillows now smelled like the familiar comfort of his arms.

 

“You smell like mimosas,” he teased her, wrapping his arms around her even tighter.

 

“There is only way to get over a hangover, Char. Keep drinking. So I did what I had to do,” he could hear the smile in her voice and he couldn’t help but be filled with joy that she was back home, in his arms.

 

He didn’t know if he had ever felt so happy.

 

“You got quiet,” Meryl said, pulling away from him a bit to look him in the eyes.

 

He looked at her like he had never allowed himself to look at her before. Here, cradled in his arms, she was finally ready to be his and he was finally in a place where he could give her all of him. Charlie was so overcome with happiness that he did what came natural to him: he laughed and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He had never smiled quite like this before, never felt so much in every moment.

 

“I’ve never seen you so happy,” she acknowledged bashfully, biting her lip. A blush came over her cheeks, and he had never seen anything lovelier. He had never witnessed a moment more perfect. And here he was, with bedhead and morning breath- and there she was, slightly drunk and warm and perfect. Despite all of that, he didn’t know if anything could ever feel more _right._ “Are you speechless, Charlie White? Because that would be a fir-.”

 

He quieted her, tenderly cradling her face with one of his hands and pressing a sweet kiss to her lips.

 

She tasted like mimosas, too.

 

They broke apart and both stared at each other with wide eyes. This was now real. This was now happening. He saw all of the questions register upon her face, just like he knew that she would. Would this work out in the long run? Would this end up ripping their partnership apart? Was this a good idea? It would take a while before she would be able to ease into their physical affection before acting upon it, he knew that, but the questions and the hesitation were a part of Meryl. He loved that about her. He knew that she didn’t make any decision lightly, and she had made this one far quicker than he ever thought she would.

 

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and she clutched his hand, pulling it to her mouth and kissing his wrist. Their eye contact never broke, and he had never felt a physical touch that made him as simultaneously aware of how much he was in love and also how much his body was beginning to long for her. Charlie knew the right thing was to take things slow, but hell if he wanted to do that!

 

But Meryl had been drinking, and it wouldn’t be okay for him to take advantage of her.

 

But she was so warm, and soft, and compliant with every touch he was giving her. He was too tempted. He had never felt so completely torn!

 

He could see her thinking as she took a huge gulp. Maybe she wanted it just as much.

 

“Charlie, uhm…” she trailed off, searching for the words she so desperately needed to convey her desperation and affection.

 

Wait! Is that what she meant by “take me back to bed?!”

 

“Meryl… do you…?” he couldn’t bring himself to ask the question.

 

“Want… you…?” she timidly finished it for him.

 

“Yes. That one,” Charlie replied lamely, trying to cover his nervousness with a laugh.

 

She laughed a nervous laugh, too, which made him feel a little better that he was reverting back to a pre-pubescent boy. Meryl curled up into his chest in order to hide her face and the shade of red appearing across her cheeks. How had they become so shy all of a sudden?

 

“We both can’t even talk about this,” she groaned, but as she did so her lips touched his uncovered chest. He shivered and she stilled completely. She pulled back and asked him in awe, “Are you really that sensitive?”

 

He nodded his head in response, not trusting himself to make words.

 

Everything was suddenly on fire and he knew that he couldn’t even pretend to hide the fact that his erection was awkwardly pressed against one of her thighs.

 

She smiled, brushing a hand through his remaining curls and stroking her hand down his cheek. Her trail continued down his neck, across his shoulder, and down his arm. Every touch was setting his nerve endings alight, making him feel things he had felt before, only magnified by multitudes he didn’t know existed.

 

Charlie tried his best to maintain his coherence, “Meryl. You’re tipsy, and I’m not, and I… can’t. He was choking on his words, the need he had for her bleeding through with such intensity, he didn’t know if he could withhold if she made one more advance.

 

She whined softly, but then jumped up and out of the bed. “I have an idea!”

 

When she came back, she was holding two glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

 

“What in the world?” he laughed.

 

She sat on the bed cross-legged, handing him a cup. “This one’s for you, and this one’s for me, and I’m going to get you on my level.”

 

He took the glass, and watched as she carefully poured them each a glass. “Why do you even have this?” Charlie teased, taking a sip. The alcohol made him flinch, but he tried his best to suck it down.

 

“It’s left over from some awful party I had here once,” Meryl explained, shooting her entire glass back like an old pro.

 

“Since when can you shoot whiskey like a man?” he asked, chuckling while he tried to finish the contents of his glass. He had never had anything to drink right after waking up in the morning, and he was fighting through every gulp.

 

“Since always, I just rarely had a chance because we had goals,” she told him, matter-of-factly, as she poured herself another glass and refilled his as well.

 

“Meryl, do you really want _this_ to happen this way?” he asked sincerely, lowering his drink from his mouth and looking at her intently.

 

She sighed and bit her lip. “Charlie, this is new for the both of us, and I know it’s going to sound cowardly, but I want this. I want this _now_. And if the way to make this happen is for us to get a little day drunk so you don’t feel like you’re taking advantage, I am full hands on deck.”

 

He shook his head at her, with a smile on his face. He knew that the idea of physical intimacy with each other was new to both of them, and was a wall they had often straddled, but never breeched.

 

“This isn’t too fast? We’re not jumping in too quickly?” he asked, beginning to feel the effects of slight intoxication taking hold. He didn’t want to sound like a girl, but he also didn’t want her to regret this later.

 

“Can you set these down?” she asked, handing him her glass and the bottle. He took them and sat them down on the nightstand, discarding his glass as well. He watched as she slowly lifted up her tank top, revealing glorious inches of skin he had only ever dreamed about. The look in her eyes was one of solidified confidence and he felt his hesitation begin to fade away.

 

Slowly, they both got up to kneel on the bed, torsos inches apart and aching to be touched. They paused for a brief second, taking each other in and trying to read the look of wonder on each other’s faces.

 

Charlie was the first to bridge the gap, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her forward.

 

“Are you sure?” he asked one last time, waiting for the consent he so desired to hear.

 

“Please?” she asked timidly, looking up at him through thick eyelashes.

 

That was the only word he needed to hear.

 

He pulled her close, pressing his lips against hers in a tempest of emotion. One hand clutched the back of her neck, while the other felt every square inch of her back. Charlie knew that this should be slow, and loving, and should convey how much he cared about her, but right now it was pure lust and want and every bit of the repression they had held onto for the last 17 years.

 

“Fuck, Charlie,” she breathed, as his lips made a trail down her neck, dancing upon her skin and making her feel like a queen. She had questioned so often if he would- if he ever _could_ want her in this way, and every nibble and suck and kiss he pressed into her skin spoke a promise that he did, he would, and he had.

 

He pulled away from her, hearing the words he had only ever imagined she could say. “What happened to ‘frick’?” he teased.

 

“Just keep going!” she demanded playfully, latching her lips onto his collar bone, and assaulting his back with her well-manicured nails.

 

The sensation of such ferocity was so new to Charlie, and he didn’t know just what to make of it. All he knew was that he wanted to hold the upper hand.

 

He grabbed her, tossing her down so that her back was against the bed, fearlessly beginning his exploration of every unknown part of her. He quickly realized that the uncharted territories were just as amazing as all of the parts he knew so well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love <3


	10. Pleading

“You what?!” her voice reverberated through the speaker of his phone.

 

He bit his lip. He had honest to God, never done anything this stupid in his entire life.

 

“Tanith said it would take the pressure off of you and I if I proposed to her, so I did,” he sighed. It sounded a lot less idiotic earlier when he practiced telling Meryl in his head.

 

“So you’re going to pretend to everyone? To our friends? To our families? To our colleagues? To the media?” Meryl Elizabeth Davis rarely lost her cool, but she had officially lost her shit.

 

He sat down on the bed, holding his forehead with one hand. He hadn’t thought this through. “I fucked up,” he replied, meekly. His tail had never been between his legs like this before, but there was so little he could do to make this right. “But she knows we’re not _really_ engaged.”

 

“If you back down now, the whole world will think you’re a liar and it makes both of us look bad,” Meryl reasoned, trying to get a grip on what he’d done.

 

“I know.”

 

“Charlie, you did this, and you have to live with it,” she huffed, hanging up the phone.

 

He threw the phone across the room and it landed with a soft thud next to his hotel room door. He couldn’t even throw a phone correctly.

 

He had proposed to his ex-girlfriend to make it easier for him and his girlfriend? How could he have been so dumb? No. Instead he was receiving texts of congratulations, tweets from celebrities across the globe, voicemails from happy family members. He hadn’t even told his entire _family_ that he was done with Tanith- what were they going to think now?

 

All of that should have mattered, but all that mattered was Meryl.

 

He grabbed his hotel key, picked up his phone, and made his way out the room. He was walking down a long hallway to the front entrance of the hotel when he dialed her number again.

 

“What can you possibly have to say that makes any of this better?” he could hear the tears in her voice. She was crying and it was all his fault. Why did he always end up hurting her?

 

“Meryl, I am coming to your hotel right now,” he told her, walking down the beach towards where she was staying.

 

“I don’t want to see you!” she yelled through gritted teeth.

 

“Why?” he was a man, defeated. Here he was, asking questions he already knew the answers to, and yet, he just wanted to keep her on the phone for as long as he could.

 

“Are you kidding, Charles White? How about the fact that I had to tweet my congratulations? Or the fact that I had to see the worst paparazzi pictures of you _kissing_ her? I have to see _everyone_ we know congratulate you on a relationship you say you’re not even _in!”_ She rambled on, buying him more time.

 

“Meryl, open your door,” he exhaled, hoping she’d comply.

 

Instead, as he dropped his phone, he was met by an angry Jenna.

 

“How dare you come over here after that stunt you just pulled!” Jenna shoved him backwards. She didn’t use much force, but it definitely got her point across.

 

He wished that she’d just punch him in the face.

 

Maybe it would make him feel less guilty.

 

He could see Meryl briefly, curled up into a ball on her hotel bed. Jenna shut the door behind them, leaving him in the hallway, blocked from the girl he loved.

 

“Charlie, I know you’re a good guy, but you just did the worst possible thing you could have done,”

 

Jenna grabbed his shirt and pulled him close. “What were you thinking?”

 

He blinked. How could he even begin to explain himself?

 

“Tanith came over this morning to have breakfast, because we were supposed to talk about the house and stuff,” Jenna let him go, and he slowly slid down the wall to sit on the carpeted floor of the hotel hallway.

 

She slowly sat down across from him, listening intently.

 

“And somehow it went from being about us breaking off all of our connections; to what she thought would make things easier for Meryl and I. I thought she had good intentions, so I just _agreed_. Because sometimes I have that good-guy complex and just think I have to please everyone. Instead, I’ve ruined everything.” His hands had ruined his hairstyle, and it now stuck out every which-way. If he hadn’t been so upset, it would have almost been comical.

 

“I don’t know Meryl as well as you do,” Jenna admitted. “But I don’t know how she’s going to deal with this. This is too much,” she shook her head.

 

He raised his head slowly, “Can I please just see her? I have to see her.”

 

Jenna stared straight into his eyes, “I don’t understand you two. I want to stop you, but I actually think in some backwards way you were trying to do what was best for everyone.” He could tell she hated to admit it, but understood that he was _clearly_ just _that_ stupid.

 

Charlie got up, offering his hand to help Jenna. “I think that I should probably stay here,” she said, pushing his hand away.

 

Charlie steeled himself, trying to fix his hair before entering the room. Meryl was no longer on the bed, but sitting curled up inside the closet.

 

He wanted to burst into tears.

 

“What are you doing in there, Mer?” he asked, gently.

 

Her head swiveled to look at him. The look was fierce, even behind the tears still welling up in her eyes.

 

If looks could kill, he would have instantly been dead.

 

He could visibly see her building walls up around herself, because he had seen her do it so many times. Meryl was an extremely private person, and few people ever managed to climb those walls and find themselves inside her inner-sanctum. He had been one of the lucky ones. But now, he wasn’t sure.

 

Charlie slowly sat down next to her in the closet.

 

“I hate you,” she choked.

 

His heart died.

 

She punched him lightly. “I wish I could hate you,” she admitted.

 

There was still hope.

 

“I’ll fix this,” he pleaded. “Somehow, I’ll find a way.” He tried to smile, but instead it looked more like a grimace.

 

“How can you fix this?” she asked, lightly laying her head upon his shoulder.

 

“I’m not sure.” He didn’t know how he’d ever put all of this back together. He wished he could travel back in time and somehow stop all of this from happening. It was like everything was moving too quickly and he couldn’t keep up. Charlie grabbed her hands, bringing them up to his lips and pressing a rough kiss against them. “I will _never_ make you cry like this, ever again. Do you hear me? I promise. If the whole world hates me, that’s okay, as long as I can somehow gain your trust again.” His words were emphatic, and he hoped she’d understand.

 

“I thought you’d been lying to me the whole time,” she whispered so quietly that he barely heard her over the sound of his own breath.

 

“What?” his voice broke, and he could feel the tears pushing at the corners of his eyes.


	11. Sulking

Charlie didn’t believe it was possible to sink any lower than the rock bottom he hit when she acknowledged her greatest fear.

 

She had been worried he would throw away 17 years of trust.

 

He had never felt anything that could even compare to this.

 

She had dented his armor, disarmed him completely, and laid him bare before her. With a few simple words, he didn’t know if he could live with himself.

 

Maybe this was why they hadn’t ever tried a romantic relationship before. There was a very real possibility that one of them could ruin everything they’d built, and they would never be able to retrieve their relationship from the chasm they could drive between each other.

 

To Charlie, Meryl felt like _home,_ a feeling so unique and vast that it can rarely be found within another person. If he lost his home, where would he be?

 

In the hotel closet in Hawaii, Charlie clutched Meryl tighter than he ever had before. He grasped her like she was his only lifeline. Like letting go would be the gravest of sins. He held onto her like she was his life vest, keeping him above the water that was threatening to drown him within his own thoughts.

 

She was the one that pressed her lips against his feverishly, and he reciprocated the sloppy, wet kisses with fervor. He hadn’t expected to be so overcome with emotion, but his tears mixed with hers as he made a thousand promises with unspoken words and fumbling hands.

 

\-------

 

 

Meryl had always been a natural when it came to acting. Her instinctual knack for emoting had a way of capturing an audience in ways most figure skaters could only dream of. She had sold their programs from day one, and while Charlie provided athleticism in droves, he sometimes struggled to keep up with his partner when it came to artistry. Years of drama lessons, acting classes, and individualized coaching, and he still wasn’t able to keep his feelings from playing across his face as clear as day.

 

He was about as transparent as cellophane, and he knew it.

 

If he had to lie to his family one more time, he was going to burst.

 

‘Are you alright?’ had been the most common question asked to him by the members of the White clan since they had arrived in Hawaii. It broke his heart to let them believe, and have faith in, one huge lie.

 

He had never been so disappointed in himself.

 

When the Whites and Davis’ got together, though, he could see Meryl’s porcelain façade slipping further than it ever had.

 

He was lying, and she was hurting.

 

They had finally found their way to each other, yet everything was wrong.

 

“Do you need to take a second to breathe?” Jacqui White spoke to her son in hushed tones, shooting him a knowing glance.

 

Charlie’s eyes spoke volumes he only wished his words could express. It was rare that he ever longed for time away from the family he saw so precious little of, but he knew he _needed_ a moment to himself.

 

He barely even took the time to excuse himself.

 

He walked down the beach to try and get away from everyone’s prying eyes. Slipping his sandals off, he sat down and dug his feet into the sand. The sun was setting, causing him to squint as he looked out upon the horizon.

 

It looked like heaven, but he felt like hell.

 

Charlie sighed, trying to come up with a solution. He needed to tell his family the truth, he needed to extricate Tanith from his life, he needed to find a way to explain this to the world, and he needed to prove to Meryl that he really did love her. There were so many things he needed to do, and Meryl had been haphazardly caught in the middle of it all.

 

She deserved so much better.

 

He smelled her on the Hawaiian breeze before he saw her. He didn’t have to turn his head to know that she was sinking down into the sand next to him.

 

“It’s nice when the cameras aren’t around,” she smiled, brushing some sand off of her shirt.

 

“Tell me about it,” he groaned in response.

 

She grabbed one of his hands, cradling it with a delicate touch.

 

“I think our families are just as bad as the paparazzi,” Meryl chuckled, brushing her long locks off of her shoulder.

 

“When we were kids, did you ever think we’d get to the point where cameras would follow us around the way they do now?” Charlie asked, honestly.

 

“No way!”

 

“I mean, we’re athletes and Olympians, so I sort of get it. But I suppose by putting ourselves on Dancing with the Stars we had it coming,” he squeezed her hand.

 

“We did that so we’d have a positive platform,” he met Meryl’s eyes and he could see just how tired she’d become over the last few days. “I’d rather hang out with my grandmother than go party, I’d rather read a book than go out, and I’d rather spend my time alone than surrounded by people. I think it’ll fade once they realize how incredibly boring we are,” she teased.

 

“Or until they realize what an unworthy idiot I am,” he exhaled, extricating his hand from hers. Both of his hands ran along the sides of his head, playing with what little hair was left there. “I can see the headlines now.” He motioned dramatically, “‘Former Olympian Charlie White Fakes Engagement, Breaks Engagement, and Meryl Davis Is The Only One Who Will Have Him.”

 

“That’s far too long to be a headline,” she joked, leaning over to place her head on his shoulder. “Can you stop beating yourself up for just one minute and try to enjoy the moment?”

 

“You’re my favorite person,” he laughed quietly, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her tighter.

 

“Why’s that?” Meryl asked, placing her hand on his knee.

 

“Are you kidding?” Charlie was incredulous.

 

“You’ve never said that to me before,” she smiled bashfully.

 

“You’re my favorite, because you know how to calm the storm inside of me,” he kissed her hairline, letting his lips linger against her warm skin. “How did you grow up to be so wonderful?”

 

She chuckled, “I don’t know, because I grew up next to this goon.” She nudged his shoulder, and he caught her face, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

 

“What the hell?” Meryl and Charlie pulled apart as soon as they registered a voice coming from behind them, which was getting closer.

 

“I can explain, Clayton!” Meryl promised, getting up quicker than Charlie.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Clayton shoved Charlie backwards as he was struggling to get up, sending him sprawling on his back onto the soft sand of the beach.

 

“Hey, Clay, lay off!” Charlie said, trying once again to get up.

 

“Charlie, you’re engaged!” Clayton towered above him, his accusing tone hitting Charlie square in the chest.

 

Before he had a chance to defend himself, Meryl pulled Clayton back, gently. “No, he’s not.”

 

“What?” he asked, backing away with a look of utter confusion on his face.

 

Charlie finally succeeded in getting up, brushing the sand off of his shorts. “It’s kind of a long story.”

 

Clayton didn’t say a word, instead seared Charlie with his eyes.

 

“This is going to be a lot to take in at once, and I don’t know how we’re even going to begin to explain this to the entire family, but Meryl and I are together.” Clayton glanced first at Charlie, and then at Meryl who met his gaze with a nod.

 

“Then why is your ring on Tanith’s finger?” he began to calm down, asking the one question Charlie didn’t have an answer to.

 

“We broke up about a week before Hawaii. She convinced me it would make things easier for Meryl and I. For obvious reasons, it hasn’t,” Charlie sighed.

 

Meryl was clutching onto Clayton like a lifeline, her tiny hands wrapped around his arm.

 

“And you’re okay with this?” he asked his sister.

 

“Yes and no,” she stated, honestly and simply. “It’s hard right now, and I know it’s going to be for a while, but I want to be with Charlie.”

 

“You’ve always wanted to be with Charlie,” his mouth twisted into a smirk.

 

Meryl blushed.

 

Charlie gushed with pride.

 

“Always, huh?” the wonder and amazement he felt within that moment filled every syllable.

 

“Hush,” Meryl swatted at him playfully.

 

“So, since that big lug” Clayton looked at Charlie, “is obviously an _idiot_ , what can I do to help?”


	12. Fixing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVER! I hope everyone loves this... but whether you do or don't, make sure to leave a comment and let me know!

Jacqui and Cheryl were drunk. It was only two in the afternoon, and The Moms were drunk. The hotel kept bringing tropical drinks served out of a pineapple with way too many festive umbrellas and the moms were sucking them down like they were water. Charlie had never seen his mother drunk, and to be honest, he was amused.

 

His sisters were chatting animatedly at a table, Tanith was in the corner having a hushed conversation with Clayton, and Meryl was with Jenna, playing in the pool with his niece and nephew. For a moment, things were calm. He enjoyed the calm. This was supposed to be vacation, after all.

 

Jacqui took a large gulp of her drink, as Charlie watched her from across the pool. He was seated on the edge with his legs dangling in the water.

 

“Charlie, honey! You have GOT to try one of these!” Jacqui shouted to him, pointing at her drink.

 

His face scrunched up. He had never been much of a fan when it came to pineapple in his drinks. “Gross, Mom. I can’t be seen with that big fruity thing in my hand.”

 

“Speaking of fruity, do you remember that time I bedazzled your skate shirt so much that Cheryl was trying to pop off sequins just moments before a performance? Now that was funny!” Meryl’s mother looked at her friend, nodding and laughing along with her.

 

“He was worse than Liberace!” Meryl shouted.

 

“Who’s Liberace?” Charlie’s niece Avery asked.

 

“A VERY sparkly man,” Meryl laughed, splashing Avery lightly. He could hear his niece giggle, and his heart soared seeing _his_ girl with the children of his family. They had grown up with her in their life, and if he was being honest with himself, she was probably their favorite.

 

“Men don’t sparkle!” his nephew Vince asserted, trying to play the role of a _real_ man.

 

“Have you met your Uncle Charlie? He’s pretty sparkly sometimes,” Meryl teased, shooting him a glance. Jenna giggled in response.

 

He smiled. This was what vacation was supposed to be like.

 

“Auntie Meryl, do you like when Uncle Charlie is sparkly?” Avery asked, looking at her with an acute seriousness. Had they always called Meryl “Auntie” or had he missed that all along? Could they see through him and the thin veil of indifference he had so often tried to place between him and his partner?

 

“Oh Avery, of course she does!” Jacqui beamed. If she didn’t stop talking, she was going to spill their secret to the entire family.

 

“Hey Mom, I’ve been meaning to show you this awesome part of the beach,” Clayton was pulling Cheryl up, because he knew that wherever Cheryl went, Jacqui would follow. Clay to the rescue.

 

He had definitely earned an infinite amount of bro points in these last few days.

 

Charlie got up, toweling off his legs and heading toward his sisters.

 

“So let me get this straight, Charlie Rocket, we’ve heard that you’ve been holding out on us,” his sister Lindsay teased.

 

“Word on the street is that there’s been a fake engagement. Wonder who that could be?” his other sister Stephanie chimed in.

 

“What? Stephanie, that just can’t be!” his third sister Emily dramatically emphasized her point, clutching her chest tightly.

 

“Mom?” he questioned.

 

“Oh you bet,” they replied to him in unison.

 

Charlie White was a dead man, and he should have seen it coming. The quiet way they had been huddled the past hour, the curious glances they had shot him across the pool area, the lack of conversation they’d supplied to anyone outside of their small group.

 

“So I guess this is the part where you tell me I’m the worst little brother ever…” he trailed off, pulling up a seat and sitting down at their table.

 

“You bring dishonor to this family,” Emily teased with mock-seriousness.

 

“Emily,” Steph shot her a knowing look, and Emily reigned herself in. “Charlie, you’re a dumbass.”

 

He sighed loudly. He looked over his shoulder, and saw Meryl staring at the current pow-wow with a curious expression on her face.

 

Lindsay, the problem-solver of the family spoke up, “You love her, don’t you?” It was obvious that she was asking about Meryl, not Tanith.

 

He didn’t know how to say it.

 

He had spent five years trying to convince them that Tanith would be the next member of the family, but now he had to explain why he wanted Meryl.

 

“She’s my soulmate,” he said quietly, owning the word that so many people had said to him, but he’d never said to anyone. He had only recently begun saying it to himself.

 

“Told you,” Emily looked at Stephanie.

 

Stephanie quickly pulled a five dollar bill out of her bag and handed it to Lindsay.

 

“We’ve known it all along, Char. Everybody did. Stephanie was the only one left that thought you might be dumb enough to go through with this whole marrying the wrong girl business.” Lindsay said, grabbing his hand firmly. “You’ve told her, right?”

 

“That I have a fake engagement and that I love her? Yes on both accounts,” he admitted.

 

“She deserves better,” Stephanie stated plainly, but with no malice behind her words.

 

Didn’t she think he knew that? Didn’t she know that was a thought that went to his head on the daily? Didn’t she know that had haunted him for 17 years of partnership, even when he had wanted to reach out and show her what he really felt?

 

He had always known that Meryl deserved better.

 

But she had him now, so he’d just have to try and be better.

 

“I love you guys, but I think I have to figure this out on my own,” he said, trying to be as respectful as possible. He needed to get away before he could feel the full weight of their disappointment rest squarely on his shoulders.

 

He had always tried to be a man they would be proud of. He beat himself up every time he did something wrong, or didn’t land a jump, or got a B in a class. He had grown up having five mothers: Jacqui, Cheryl, Stephanie, Lindsay, and Emily, and that was an extreme amount of pressure. He knew they all just wanted what was best for him, but he built their expectations inside of his own head, and he took it to heart every time he felt like he let them down.

 

Silently leaving the pool, he slowly made his way back to his hotel room, thoughts stewing in his head. While he continued to feel the disappointment of his family, he also felt relief in them _knowing._ While they had expressed their opinions, not a single one of them had said a word against his choice. No one  had tried to stop him from moving away from Tanith and on to Meryl. It was like they had accepted the possibility long ago, and had just been waiting for him to make it happen.

 

He thought again about the way Meryl had played with his niece and nephew, and how effortless their relationship with her was. They called her Auntie, and he knew for a fact that they had only ever referred to Tanith by her name. Shouldn’t he have seen all of the signs sooner?

 

Charlie pulled off his shirt and flung himself face-first onto the bed. Charlie pouted for some time, huffing and puffing into his pillow. He heard someone put a card into the slot on the door, and he tried to search his brain for who could possibly have his extra key.

 

Before he could turn over, she was already in the room. “You forgot this at the pool,” Meryl said, walking over to the bed. “Who knows what kind of crazy person could have barged into your room if I hadn’t come to save you.”

 

He smiled because every time she walked into a room he felt lighter, “How do I know that one just didn’t?”

 

She kicked her flip-flops off, and jumped on him. Poking and tickling the flesh on his sides and back. She must have found time to take a shower while he was brooding, because she smelled like lavender instead of chlorine.

 

He wondered if only boys who ice danced could so easily pick out the scent of lavender.

 

Maybe he had grown up around too many women.

 

Her pokes turned into a gentle massage, and he sunk into the pillows. Everything was just vastly better because she was a part of his life. Even her tiny hands could work magic on the tense muscles of his back.

 

“Why didn’t you ever do this at competitions?” he spoke, his voice muffled by the pillow.

 

“What was that?” she asked, unable to hear a word he had said.

 

Charlie raised his head, “I was wondering why you never did this at competitions.”

 

She splayed her hands out, running them all the way up his back before using her fingernails to lightly scratch her way down. It felt like heaven. He couldn’t help but let out a tiny whimper. “Because then you couldn’t have resisted me.”

 

Was she aware how many awkward boners she had caused him, just by being present during his formative years? He had barely resisted even without the massages. He couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.

 

She abruptly stopped. “Hey! Is it so hard to imagine that I could be irresistible?”

 

She had no idea.

 

He quickly turned over, and she situated herself back on top of him. The way she was straddling him made it so easy to imagine how he could lose himself in her at that very moment, but when he saw the sad look in her eyes, his thoughts were brought back to the present moment. “Meryl,” he reached up to brush some of the wet strands of her hair out of her face. “You are completely irresistible. I still can’t decide what a girl like you is doing with a guy like me.”

 

“So why were you laughing?” she pouted.

 

“Because I was recalling all the cold showers I had to take during my teen years because of you,” he stuck his tongue out at her, and she broke into a huge grin.

 

“Nu uh,” she protested.

 

“Yes huh,” Charlie responded.

 

“You mean…”

 

“Oh, you have NO idea,” he gripped her hips firmly, and she pressed down in just the right way, and he elicited the most beautiful moan from her mouth. The way her eyelids closed half way, and she flung her head back slightly made him want to push aside both of their shorts and take her right then and there. But he didn’t deserve her. Not in that way, at least not yet. He _loved_ this girl, and she meant more to him than a quick fuck on a hotel bed.

 

She deserved every bit of good in the world, and he was going to try and give her as much of it as possible.

 

“Meryl, I need you to go get ready and I’ll come get you in an hour.” He had been hit with an idea that had sent sparks of hope through his veins. If he could pull this off, then maybe he could show her, _really_ show her how much she meant to him.

 

She leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips and lingering for a moment before hopping up and sashaying her way to the door. “Pick me up at my room?”

 

He sat up on his elbows, “It’s a deal. And be ready for an adventure.”

 

If Meryl had a passion for anything that was almost as fierce as the one she had for skating, it would be adventures. She bit her lip excitedly, quickly making her way out the door.

 

His first call was to his new partner in crime in making Meryl happy, Clayton Davis.

 

Clay had arrived in no time at all, buzzing about how he’d found a spot the day before that Meryl would absolutely love. They threw together a backpack of essentials while Charlie learned exactly how to find the perfect spot.

 

“I am like- the ninja master of love,” Clay laughed, tossing Charlie a blanket to throw into the bag.

 

“Oh really?” he teased.

 

“Lets be real, this is going to have her eating out of the palm of your…” he paused for a moment, realizing, “Oh, shit! She is my sister!” He shook his head, trying to clear himself of the mental image. “If you touch her, I will break your fingers.”

 

“But I need those to lift her up when we’re skating,” Charlie laughed.

 

“Well if you don’t want to lift her up with your nubs, I suggest you keep your hands off her until you’re married and 35.”

 

“Clay, I’m bigger than you,” Charlie motioned at the obvious size difference between them.

 

“I’m a ninja, Charlie. The size is key to my stealth,” Clay did a move that looked like something out of one of those “Karate Kid” movies, but soon lost his balance, stumbling over.

 

Charlie caught him and they both laughed. He flung the backpack over his shoulder and Clay gave his final instructions. “Remember, don’t turn until you find the split palm tree that creates a fork in the road, and go left. L-E-F-T, Charlie.”

 

“Got it!” he clapped Clay on the back, then made the short trip to Meryl’s hotel.

 

\--------------------

 

Meryl loved to hike. Charlie loved to stare at Meryl’s legs while she hiked. He could definitely get used to his.

 

He would shout out the occasional next direction to her, as she bounced and bounded down the trails, effervescent and excited in her jean shorts and bikini top. Charlie could twist and twirl Meryl around the ice for hours, but hiking was a completely different ballgame, and while he was in shape- his asthma sometimes got the better of him, and made him take a slightly slower pace. Occasionally she’d turn around and beam at him, before dodging under some brush or climbing over a downed log.

 

He shifted his pack on his back, knowing that they’d soon make it to their destination. “Want some water?” he called out to her.

 

She peeked backwards, running back down the trail and nearly into his arms. “You smell,” she teased, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and grabbing the water bottle in his hands.

 

“Even you sweat some times, Meryl Davis, I’m sure of it,” he teased, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow. Even with flushed cheeks and coated in nature’s grime, she still looked perfect.

 

“This is just my natural glisten,” she laughed, handing the water bottle back and running up the trail ahead. “What’s after this big, split palm tree?” she called back.

 

“Take a left!” he shouted, silently thanking Clay for drilling him over and over. He was actually terrible with directions.

 

As soon as he caught up to her, he knew that they had come to the perfect spot. Charlie couldn’t help but stare at Meryl as she took in her surroundings. She was in absolute awe as she memorized every detail of the waterfall and the natural growth surrounding it. “Charlie…” she whispered his name like it was the most important word she’d ever say.

 

He knew he was covered in sweat, but he couldn’t resist wrapping his arms around her. “You like it?” he whispered in her ear.

 

“Like it? I…” she was speechless. For once, he actually felt like he had done something right.

 

He was getting Clay the best Christmas gift ever, that year.

 

Her hand was placed over her heart, and her mouth dropped down in wonder, and he had never seen her so taken aback. She was always so even-keeled, and he appreciated and loved her for that, but sometimes it was so worthwhile to see her completely drop the façade and just be the girl he had grown up with.

 

She broke them out of their reverie. “We need to cool off!” Meryl helped him take his backpack off, before pulling him into the water. He watched as she let her hair down, the water of the falls cascading through her dark locks, creating a picture that could have been straight off of a postcard. He wished he had a camera. After she was completely soaked, she swam through the water towards him. He tried to evade her, but soon, he had picked her up and with her legs wrapped around his waist as she places wet, heavy kisses upon his lips. He held her close, trying to soak in the moment and how free they could be with one another.

 

“Could this be any better?” she cried aloud as he twirled them around in circles. He laughed loudly, and she screamed like a banshee, and they played in the water until both were too tired to do it anymore.

 

He grabbed them each a towel from his bag, and Meryl sat down on a rock with hers around her shoulders. Charlie wrapped his around his waist, and sat down on the rock next to her.

 

“This was beautiful, Charlie,” she smiled at him in a way she’d never smiled at him before. Like everything was perfect and it would always be perfect because they’d always have this moment to look back on.

 

He grabbed her hand. It was time to show her just how much she meant to him. “Can I show you something else and will you promise to hear everything I have to say before you freak out?”

 

She gulped, and he could see the slight confusion wrinkle her brow. “Of course.”

 

“When I was younger, my mom gave me a ring,” he paused, trying to work up the courage it would take to tell her his story. “The ring had been my great grandmother’s, and it probably should have gone to one of the girls. I think she gave it to me because she knew how sentimental I am about stuff like that. It’s kind of weird, she actually gave it to me shortly before I met you.”

 

“Sentimental?” Meryl questioned.

 

“Meryl, I still have the very first Valentine’s Day card you ever gave me. It’s one of those tin-foil looking cards that we all give out as kids, but for some reason I’ve always kept yours,” he kicked the ground lightly.

 

“We didn’t even talk much yet, but I wanted to show you that I thought you were my friend,” she remembered.

 

“I have every card, every note, every newspaper clipping, every scrap of paper you’ve ever given me,” Charlie admitted.

 

“Really?”

 

“I’ll show you some time,” he got up and faced her. “So she gave me this ring. And I always imagined that I would find some amazing person that I would give that ring to. I kept it on me through every performance, competition, and trip we ever went on. I never told anyone about it, and the only person who has even known that I had it was my mom. I’m sure she thought I put it away somewhere and forgot about it, but it’s always been with me.”

 

Meryl looked at him and nodded.

 

“And then I met Tanith. And she was beautiful, and amazing, and we were really happy for a long time. But never once did I ever even consider giving her that ring.” He was silent for a moment, understanding the gravity of each word pouring from his heart. “So when I decided it was time, and that I had to propose, and that it was the natural progression of things, I went out and bought her the ring I thought she’d like.”

 

“The one you gave to her?”

 

“Yes. The one I gave to her. But that ring was a symbol of what _she_ wanted, and what I thought I was obligated to give. But this ring,” he said pulling it out of his pocket, “was a symbol of all the hope, and love, and faith I had in a different partnership.”

 

Meryl’s mouth dropped as soon as she saw the ring. It was perfect. It was a vintage silver band that twisted around several small, in-laid diamonds that made it sparkle in the sunlight. It was so classic and sophisticated, and it felt like she was always meant to wear that ring.

 

“I should have known, seeing as it was my lucky charm throughout our entire career. Now that I look at it, it screams out that it was always meant to be yours.”

 

She froze in shock.

 

“I know it’s not the time to give you this yet, but I wanted you to see this, and know how serious I am about you and our future together. Someday, I want to give you this, and with it, the promise to never, _ever_ be as boneheaded as I have been in the past. I will try to be better for you each and every day. I will always make you laugh, and I’ll always make you feel safe, and I’ll always do whatever I can to be what you deserve.” He blushed, because he was leaving his heart open in a way he had never done before. In a way he never thought he could before. But she gave him strength.

 

She jumped up, trying to take a closer look at the ring in his outstretched hand.

 

“Charlie…? Can I?” she didn’t know if it was even appropriate to ask, but she was drawn to the ring since the moment she had first caught a glimpse of it.

 

He looked at her, questioning with his eyes. Was she asking what he thought she was asking?

 

“I know it’s not mine yet, and I know it’s probably wrong of me to ask, but can I try it on?” she bit her lip.

 

He fumbled with it, hands shaking, as he helped her place it on the ring finger of her left hand.

 

It fit so perfectly that he wanted to cry. When he looked up from her hand, he could see the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.

 

“Oh no… what did I do?” he asked, thinking that he had done something wrong.

 

“It fits perfectly… And it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen… And it was there the whole time?” she asked, quietly.

 

Charlie looked at her in amazement. “The whole time.”

 

“Oh, Charlie!” she flung herself into his arms, and he held her so tightly that he couldn’t define where he ended and she began. She was so much a part of him now that she twisted around his heart in the same way the band twisted around her finger.

 

She broke apart from him, glancing down at the ring. “I guess I should give it back before I get too attached.” Slowly, she took it off her finger and placed it back into his hand.

 

“Meryl, someday it’ll be yours. If you ever want to see it, or try it on, it will always be right here,” he said, placing it back into his pocket. “But I hope you won’t have to wait long before it can rest on your hand forever.”

 

“You really mean it.” He could see the clockworks moving in her head as she moved to try and grasp every word that he had told her.

 

Meryl Davis would one day become Meryl White, even if he would have to move the moon and the sun in order to make it happen.


	13. Growing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left, guys! How nuts is that?! Let me know what you think!

Charlie sat down with Meryl on the final day of their vacation and came up with a fool proof plan for success. They weren’t going to live in limbo any longer. The list was what they needed to help them--help _him_ \--move them forward.

 

It was up to Charlie to go home and begin checking off the boxes.

 

**Step One: Move Out**

 

Embarrassingly enough, Jacqui took care of the majority of his move. All he needed was a central location to the things that were most important in his life--the rink, Ann Arbor, and his parents house-- and plenty of room for DJ to play. His mother went to work, and within three days, presented him with a slew of options.

 

Charlie had taken all of the papers, mixed them up in a pile, closed his eyes, and picked one at random.  He had Meryl, and his mom had taken care of the basics, and he...didn’t really care about the rest. 

 

Luckily, Jacqui knew what Charlie would want better than he did, and he ended up with a great place. The walls were navy and light gray, and he moved in right away. He carried the boxes that his mother had meticulously packed, and bent to her will when she told him exactly where to place them. After Jacqui left, he _secretly_ moved a few of his items, but all-in-all left things the way she had wanted.

 

He was an adult who lived alone for the first time in his life.

 

But he was an _adult._

 

He was _alone_ , and not even DJ could cheer him up.

 

**Step Two: Move On**

 

It helped that Charlie and Meryl had re-immersed themselves in skating, rushing to choreograph and get ready for _The Ice_. They had a lot of fun being able to create and enjoy, rather than just learn, practice, and repeat. Sometimes it felt like, forget Sochi, these were the happiest moments of his life, and if anyone noticed he was smiling huge and indiscriminate all the time, barely containing his laughter as they filmed the choreography video for The Ice...well, they didn't say anything.

 

They fell back into synchronization both on the ice, and in their personal lives.

 

Meryl filled his apartment with laughter, and his top drawer with some of her extra things, and they fell into a rhythm that was new, and yet comfortable.

 

They took things slowly, especially because, as far as the world knew, he was still living with and engaged to Tanith.  They tried to keep a low profile, knowing that soon it would be time to become public about their new relationship.

 

**Step Three: Forgive and Move Forward**

 

Tanith and Charlie met for lunch on an average Wednesday afternoon.  They arrived from separate directions and left to forge new paths.

 

She told him that she had an exciting broadcast contract on the horizon.

 

He told her that she would always be special to him.

 

They hugged and parted as friends.

 

**Step Four: Tell The World**

 

They had talked it over so many times.

 

They had come up with endless plans, endless concerns, and both Charlie and Meryl had both hesitated for a variety of reasons.

 

In the end, the Shibs had unknowingly caught them slow dancing during a rehearsal and the video had gone viral. In the foreground, Alex was joking around about his summer wardrobe, but in the background, barely visible, Meryl and Charlie were off in their own world.

 

It was them trying to communicate everything in discrete, muted touches; it was their foreheads touching, their noses brushing, and a chaste kiss that was meant to be so brief no one would notice. It was so minimal that Maia and Alex hadn’t even noticed while editing, but their fans had picked it out, made gifs, liked it, Tweeted it, circulated it on every social media outlet they could find.

 

Their fans had done exactly what they didn’t want--they had caused a stir.

 

Charlie released a terse, stilted statement, telling the world that his relationship with Tanith had been over for a few months, and the two had parted as friends, but realized they needed to pursue other interests.

 

His interest just happened to be Meryl.

 

If it had been any other person, there’s no way he would have gotten off as easily as he did, but the world accepted the news of his breakup with Tanith more easily than they had accepted his relationship with Tanith. The headlines all centered on the same theme. “FINALLY!”

 

 _Finally_.  It felt like that to him, as well. 

 

**Step Four Point Five: Tell The Shibs**

 

Maia and Alex had been a little hurt that Meryl and Charlie hadn’t told them sooner; had been understandably thunderstruck when their video went viral for such an unexpected reason. But as Charlie slowly began to recount the tales of just how difficult _getting to this point_ had been, Alex slowly began to shake his head and laugh.

 

“Are you kidding?” Alex asked, incredulous. “You’re an idiot!” he finished, his full-bellied laugh echoed through the building. “So you realized during _Dancing with the Stars_ , then had an existential life crisis, then got kicked out with your medals dangling around your neck, and then agreed to a fake proposal? Man, they can’t make this stuff up! Why wasn’t I there to film all of this?”

 

“Hardy har,” Charlie dead-panned before breaking into a smile to match Alex’s. His hand was firmly holding onto Meryl’s, their fingers interlaced.

 

“So you’re stuck with this bonehead?” Maia quipped, lightly punching Charlie in the arm.

 

“I guess he kind of grew on me,” Meryl teased, wrapping her free hand around Charlie’s arm and pulling him close.

 

They didn’t love how it had happened, but the fact they could now be open with their affection was so unbelievably _freeing._ She could pat his knee in public, not only the kiss and cry. He could gather her into bone-crushing hugs on the middle of the street, not just after their programs were over. He could lean down to nuzzle her neck while they waited to board the bus, not only during specific moments of choreography. Their relationship grew.

 

Alex caught them pressed up against a hallway wall in the hotel and made gagging noises, giggling “You guys are worse than Tessa and Scott! Gross!”

 

They giggled too, running into Meryl’s hotel room and locking the door.

 

Halfway through the tour, they talked the organizers into letting them share a room.

 

**Step Five: Make A Professional Decision**

 

In essence, the decision they made was to _not_ make a decision. Instead of competing, they would spend the year learning and growing with one another, and _then_ decide if it was something they they wanted to come back to.

 

They signed up for online classes scheduled to begin in the fall. (Well, one of them signed up for online classes.  One of them was still dragging his feet, despite his girlfriend-- _girlfriend_ \--prodding him.) They agreed to skate in almost every show to come their way. They geared up for another year with _Classroom Champs_ , and they found other outreach programs they were interested in.

 

They looked forward to spending time with their families that had long ago morphed into _one_ family. It was like Jacqui and Cheryl had been waiting all along, itching on the sidelines, ready to pounce the moment Charlie and Meryl finally _figured it out._ They had family barbecues as often as they could, and when they couldn’t, always found an excuse to make an occasion of even the most simple of lunches or time at the park.

 

**Step Six: Sit Back And Enjoy Life**

 

Step six of Charlie’s master plan was _easy_.

 

Well, in theory.

 

What do you do when you’ve got the girl, you’ve got the gold, and you’ve got the most kick-ass dog known to man? You have to come up with a new goal, you have to maintain your relationships, and you have to find a way to continue to make yourself and those you love happy.

 

Charlie repeated that mantra to everyone; he repeated it to himself.  He repeated it often enough he could almost forget he was languishing in a pool of indecision.

 

He had been a junior in college for something like four years. He could see himself going into law, but was that really what he was passionate about?

 

He could see himself putting in another three years, and trying to re-capture gold, but would their bodies continue to hold up?

 

He could see Meryl’s chest rise and fall with each breath, as she slept nuzzled into his arm, but could he continue to make her happy?

 

Charlie White was awake, and he was brooding, making him increasingly frustrated. Why do we so often find fault in the future when everything is right in the present?

 

In the half light of one early morning, he felt Meryl stirring against his shoulder, and hugged her tighter, trying to will her back to sleep. She yawned, opening her sleepy eyes and looking at him. “You awake?” she asked sleepily.

 

“Yeah, but nothing to worry about,” he rubbed her arm.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” she reached out her small hand, trying to tame the haphazard curls he had displaced while thinking.

 

“Are you happy?” he asked.

 

Suddenly, her hand stilled and her face became extremely serious. She backed a few inches away from him so she could see his face, even in the darkness. “Are you kidding? Of course I’m happy.” She tried to comfort him with a genuine smile. “Aren’t you?”

 

“Of course I am,” he pulled her back close, resting his chin atop her head. “I’m just thinking about how much of our future is in limbo right now, and I guess I’m just feeling a little unsettled.”

 

“Yeah, I guess I can understand that,” she burrowed in closer to him, “but I just feel so incredibly lucky to have come out of everything with _you_. Whenever I’m stressed, or worried, or feel uneasy, I almost feel like I have no _right_ to feel that way, because I’m happy to just be here with you.”

 

“How do you always have the perfect thing to say?” Charlie asked, ghosting his fingers down her arm.

 

“What do you mean?” she smiled up at him. “You’re the talkative one,” she patted his chest lightly, teasing him with her tone.

 

Charlie nuzzled against her neck, whispering “Je ne te mérite pas. Je t'aime tellement,” to her in perfect French.

 

It sent a shiver down Meryl’s back. It was so _rare_ to hear him speak the language, although she knew that he was so gifted with it. Being such a student of languages herself, it disappointed at times that he wouldn’t share how fluent he was with others, especially her.

 

But in that moment, his words felt like satin, enveloping her and embracing her in an alluring grasp.

 

_I don’t deserve you. I love you so much._

 

Simple words that made her feel things in the lowest reaches of her stomach.

 

She answered him with hungry lips, and speedy hands, and an unquenchable thirst. He responded with steady arms, eyes full of promise, and declarations of love and passion in a language he refused to speak in front of other people.

 

But he spoke it to her behind his closed door. He spoke it to her as he made her shake between his sheets. He spoke it as waves of ecstasy overtook them both.

 

Their drained limbs wrapped loosely around each other, hearts racing. This was one of the many ways they had always communicated with one another. Worn out bodies, beating chests, arms wrapped around each other, that was where they could hear all the words the other didn’t say. That was where they could be the most honest with one another, weary yet alive.

 

“Every part of you deserves every part of me,” Meryl sleepily placed a gentle kiss on his bare chest, putting words to the things she’d been making him feel.

 

“Hey Meryl, I’m glad we were friends first.”

 

“Me too,” she mumbled, before sleep overtook them both.

 

\----

 

She always woke up earlier than he did; kissing his temple and whispering that she loved him before going back to her condo to get ready for the day. Meryl always made sure that he was awake to hear her go, so he wouldn’t worry when he woke up alone.

 

That morning, she was being particularly forceful, driving her forehead into his cheek relentlessly.

 

“Whad’ya want?” Charlie’s head was still in a fog of sleep.  His words slurred together in a grumpy tone.

 

She chuckled, getting up to pick up her discarded pieces of clothing and put them back on. “Charlie, classes start next week, don’t you think you should wake up and get to figuring out what you’d like to take?”

 

He opened one eye, and looked over at his alarm first before taking the time to shoot a cursory glance at Meryl. He was a man after all.

 

“It’s 5:30 in the morning, who wakes up to register for classes before the sun’s even up?”

 

She put her shirt on and danced to the window. “This sun?” she flung open his curtains, revealing the morning sun, which was indeed rising in the sky.

 

“Devil woman!” he exclaimed, flinging the covers over his head.

 

She shut the curtains, frowning and resting her hands on her hips. “Charlie, I’m a senior and you’re a junior, listen to the wiser upperclassmen and register for your classes.”

 

“Don’t wanna,” he pouted, re-emerging from his hiding place.

 

She jumped on the bed, crawling to him and straddling his lap. She smoothed down his hair, and ran her hands down his cheeks. “Please?” she plead sincerely.

 

“Alright, alright. I promise I will do it before lunch. Good enough?” Charlie ran his hands up her thighs, grasping her hips tightly.

 

“That’ll do Donkey, that’ll do,” she panted, shrieks of laughter emanating from her body as he began to tickle her relentlessly.

 

“Really? A Shrek reference? Are you that much of a nerd?” he teased her

 

Meryl begged him to cease his onslaught. “Charlie! Your hair is like an ogre! It has got layers!” she shouted.

 

He gripped her even tighter, poking at all the spots he knew would elicit the most laughter. He knew her body almost better than he knew his own, and he knew just how to make her beg for mercy.

 

She tried her best to hold out, fighting back with more _Shrek_ references. “No, Charlie! Not the gumdrop buttons!” her shrill voice carried over their combined yelps of joy.

 

Meryl crumpled into his arms, finally giving in. Their laughter died down, and she curled into him as he held her close. “Promise me you’ll sign up for at least one class?”

 

He nuzzled her, rubbing their noses together. “Education has always been a huge priority to Meryl and I,” he spouted in his perfect, press conference voice. “We’re so proud that even though we’re involved in such a demanding sport, that we have found time to further our education. Our families always helped us make it such an important part of our lives and we couldn’t be more grateful,” he spewed off a typical ‘Davis and White’ response.

 

She sighed contently, breathing him in one last time before she got up to go. “I promise,” he rolled his eyes, giving her one final squeeze before she left.

 

Charlie rolled his desk chair to his desk. To be honest, it was the first time he’d actually sat in this chair, and the first time he’d ever used this desk. He ran his hands over the dark wood, reminded of how he’d bought it as motivation to help finish school. It had set collecting dust ever since. Charlie felt very _adult_ sitting at his desk, right now. Well, _grown up_.

 

If he hadn’t been wearing printed boxers and a Ralph Lauren polo, he knew he’d look smart at his desk.

 

He felt smart.

 

Opening up his laptop, he began scrolling through available online classes. Great Monuments From The Stone Age To The Middle Age… nope. Brazilian Culture… nope. Electromagnectic Theory… hell to the no. He scrolled through page after page, reading the random, and sometimes ridiculous names of classes. Honestly, there was a course on Rednecks and Country Music. What kind of education was someone trying to get from a class like that?

 

He grabbed a pencil from the decorative cup sitting on the corner of his workspace, playing a few rhythmic beats on the table, before sticking it between his teeth and diving back through the massive student catalog. In the end he picked two classes that looked like they’d be the easiest, the last few low-level undergrad courses he had left, and clicked excitedly, ready to be done with the entire process.

 

It wasn’t that education wasn’t important; it was just that going through the steps of _getting_ that education could be rather tedious.

 

He trolled the internet for a while, reading the new gossip surrounding his favorite sci-fi series. He took time to check out the latest video games, it’d been awhile since he’d have any time to play. He was having so much fun sitting at his desk, with his glasses on and a pencil in his mouth, and he couldn’t help but check out google…

 

The best and worst part of being any level of celebrity is being able to find yourself on the internet. When Meryl and Charlie were younger, he’d check constantly, always excited to see if people were following their programs, and later their career. He’d used Google as an instrument of torture earlier in the summer, when he checked Meryl’s name over and over.

 

What would he get if he looked his girlfriend up now?

 

He wasn’t prepared.

 

First, he was like, _seventh_ down the list of suggestions when he began typing her name into the box. What was first?

 

_Meryl and Maks_

 

_Meryl Davis and Maksim Chmerkovskiy_

 

_Meryl Davis Boyfriend_

 

Had seventeen years together been so easily dwarfed by three months?

 

He felt worse every time he clicked on a new link.

 

Meryl and Maks’ secret rendezvous? Meryl and Maks engaged? Meryl and Maks taking vacation together? Meryl and Maks looking toward the future?

 

What was this crap?

 

And what was a _Maksyl_?

 

Charlie slammed his laptop shut and folded his arms, breathing hard. What in the world was happening?

 

His stomach churned, his brow furrowed with a slight sweat, and he could feel his jaw clench and un-clench. Jealousy was not a good look for Charlie White.

 

They were partners. They were best friends. They were in love. Why did the rest of the world want to see her with a big, tall, good-looking Russian? Was he a consolation prize to them?

 

Slowly, he reopened the computer, glancing through some of the posts to really get a sense of what fans were saying. He had rarely been more discouraged.

 

That’s when he saw it.

 

In post after post of pictures and talk about Meryl and Maks being engaged, he realized. That’s _my_ ring. That’s _our_ ring. That’s _us._ While the rest of the world might not have known it, there were dozens of cropped and blown up images of Meryl wearing the ring he had yet to give her.

 

When had she taken it?

 

He went back to his bedroom and searched for the cargo pants he’d worn yesterday. He found the ring in its normal spot, safe and sound, but how long had she been taking it out and borrowing it? What did all of it mean?

 

It wasn’t time yet, was it?

 

Charlie knew he had a lot to think about. But first, what the _hell_ was a Maksyl?

 


	14. Smiling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This folks, is the end.

A few long, embarrassing minutes of research later, Charlie had learned a few things, and a far as he could tell, a Maksyl was a person who wanted Maks and Meryl to be together.

 

As far as Charlie was concerned, he was the biggest anti-Maksyl the world had ever seen.

 

He still didn’t understand what a “ship” was-- was the whole “I will go down with this ship” thing supposed to be sexual?  Or a reference to the Titanic?  Or were they playing Battleship?  What was this?

 

All of this was, inexplicably, digging up insecurities Charlie had thought he’d buried months ago. Years ago, really. Charlie had technically been ice dancing longer than Meryl, but he’d actually spent the better part of 17 years doing his best to barely keep up.

 

She would always deserve far more than he could give her.

 

Like the spineless, cowardly, non-confrontational guy he felt he was, Charlie sent Meryl a text worming his way out of lunch. He made some lame excuse about being wrapped-up in choosing his classes, and like the supportive girlfriend she was, she didn’t make a fuss.

 

Charlie moped to his couch in his Batman boxers, flipping channels mindlessly while DJ perched ever-faithfully at his side.

 

He scratched her gently on the head, “Do you ever think I’ll be good enough for her, girl?”

 

Without skating competitively, would their really still be “things that link them forever”? Would she still be proud of him when he wasn’t on podiums? Would she still want to spend time with him when they weren’t in constant travel? Would things be the same as their names faded in people’s memories, Olympic Gold becoming nothing more than a far-gone accomplishment?

 

What do you do when your life peaks before you even turn 30?

 

But dreams of a future together danced through Charlie’s head, chasing away the ghosts of doubt. Images of their college graduation, Meryl in a white dress, holding their first child while a tired Meryl looked on, playing pick-up hockey games with their sons, reliving former glories every four years when the Olympics rolled around, coaching their daughter through her first figure-skating jumps, family vacations to Disney World and Italy, Christmas and Thanksgiving spent in cozy knit sweaters, among family…

 

There was still so much life left to live, and the only way he could imagine it was with Meryl by his side.

 

He knew it was too soon, it was too rash, it was ill-advised… but he was going to make their 17 year marriage finally official.

 

He was gonna sink that Maksyl ship once and for all. S.S. Davis and White, bitches.

 

First, he’d need to put on some pants.

 

Honestly, Charlie never thought he’d seriously be planning to ask Meryl to marry him. They had spent years in back-and-forth affection that left neither satisfied, but left their partnership intact. When they’d drawn the line in the sand back in 2008, Charlie had really believed he’d had to move on forever.

 

Now, being with Meryl--but not with Mery--had become normal. That light ache in his stomach, that itch for something more was ever-present. He used it as fuel in his skating. He used it to dive into a relationship with Tanith. He used it to create and mold an incredible friendship with Meryl.

 

Even tangled in their burgeoning relationship, he never thought he’d get to live this moment...so he hadn’t ever begun to conceptualize the logistics.

 

After Sochi, he’d felt so much pressure to move forward with Tanith. No one saw moving in with one another as enough, and it felt like it was inevitable one way or another. Planning to propose to Tanith was never-wracking, and stressful, and made Charlie feel like he was in some long, drawn-out battle he couldn’t win. He felt like he was about to take his last stand.

 

But he couldn’t do it. It was slaying his soul, making him feel like he was selling out and taking a path he couldn’t travel any longer. Those old feelings for Meryl surfaced as he watched her transform, learning every day how much more there was inside the young girl he’d been partnered with for so long.

 

He saw her with new eyes. Ones where the lines of best friend and partner and love of his life converged and became one twisted rope of being. And the idea, the simple idea that love could feel like this real, breathing, more than himself thing was so exciting, and intoxicating, and made him feel like he couldn’t even breathe anymore in the small box he’d tried to shrink his life into.

 

It was like he was ruined for anyone else but her. It was like she had damaged him beyond all measure because she’d finally woke him up from the sleepwalk he’d been taking through his own life. He could no longer live without her.

 

So he took the leap of faith. If love like this would only find him once in his life, he had to find a way to claim it as his own. He had to have marked her as much as she’d marked him, because there was no way that something this strong couldn’t be real and meant to be.

 

Even once she’d chosen him--once they’d chosen each other--he still didn’t hope too hard that she’d stick with him forever. Sure he wanted it more than a gold medal, but he messed up. He messed up way too much, and in ways so epic Homer could write a tale or two about his stupidity. He was aware, but he still wanted her.

 

And now that he’d put so many mistakes behind him, now that the past, present, and future had all come to be the same thing, now that she fell asleep in his arms every night, he knew.

 

He could finally imagine a world where she didn’t leave in the morning.

 

He could imagine painting her toenails when she was pregnant with his kids. (One of his brother-in-laws had done that, and he’d said it was the key to his sister’s happy pregnancy.)

 

He could imagine years of parent-teacher conferences, and games of Frisbee in the park, and moving to Italy for a time if that’s what she wanted.

 

He would do absolutely anything for her--and they had waited so long, that he was not going to wait a day longer.  Unable to locate any actual pants, Charlie grabbed khaki cargo shorts and sprinted for his car.  

 

\----

 

Charlie was absolutely certain of only one thing, as he paced the stoop of Meryl’s childhood home: his fate was resting squarely in the hands of Paul and Cheryl Davis.  

 

Meryl’s childhood home was a seven-and-a-half minute drive from his new place. He knew, because he had meticulously counted as he white-knuckled his steering wheel. There had been 13 stoplights, six left turns, two right turns, four stop signs, and a one-way street, but he’d soon found himself swearing under his breath as he steeled his resolve and made his way up the walk to the front door.

 

Sloppily, he reached to fix his hair, pick lint off his shirt, smooth the wrinkles of his cargo shorts, and everything else he could try to correct. He knew Meryl was traditional and her family meant everything to her, getting her parent’s permission would mean the world.

 

What would he say?

 

How could he convince them?

 

If they said no, he’d have no place asking her to become his wife. Wife--God, this was getting real.

 

He took a deep breath, shoving his fists into his unnecessary-yet-huge pockets. This was crazy.  He was crazy...

 

“Are you okay, son?” Paul Davis shouted as he rounded the corner of the house. How long had he been watching?

 

“Yeah, I’m f- fine,” Charlie mumbled, stumbling over his words and frowning.

 

“Come on back!” Paul motioned. “Cheryl and I were just having some sun tea on the back porch!”

 

Charlie smiled a genuine, if a little shaky, grin, bouncing down the steps and across the yard. The Davis’ were like his surrogate parents, and though it didn’t make this any less awkward, he knew if anyone could see the good in him it would have to be them.  Right?

 

“It’s a beautiful day,” said Charlie inanely, doing his best to make small-talk as they made their way around the house.

 

Paul Davis slapped him jovially on the shoulder.  “Why are you wound so tight there, Chucko?” Paul laughed at him.

 

“Oh Charlie!” Cheryl exclaimed, jumping up to give him a hug, buying him temporary reprieve from Paul’s question.

 

“It’s great to see you, Cheryl,” he hugged her tightly, crashing her into his chest and trying to gather strength from her embrace.

 

“Where is Meryl? She didn’t tell us you two were stopping by today.” Cheryl didn’t wait for a response before she broke the hug, heading into the kitchen to retrieve a glass for Charlie.

 

Before he was even fully-settled in his seat, there was a full glass of sun tea placed before him on the table. “She actually doesn’t know I’m here,” he nervously scratched his neck, taking a huge gulp of his drink.

 

Cheryl and Paul seemed to move in slow-motion, knowingly setting their glasses down on the table.Paul cleared his throat loudly, and  as Cheryl, her eyes flickering tentatively towards her husband, swallowed, “Well, what can we do for you?”

 

Charlie’s throat was suddenly so dry, he didn’t know if he could speak. He felt like his heart was in his throat.  He fumbled for his glass, letting the cool drink sooth his Sahara Desert mouth. Where should he begin?

 

He didn’t know.

 

So, instead, he just started.

 

“I don’t remember the first time I saw Meryl skate,” Charlie begins in a low voice.  “But my mom swears up and down that I said she was the best I’d ever seen,” Charlie smiled in spite of himself as the Davis’ nodded in acknowledgement.

 

“I don’t remember that, but it’s true, and it’s still true.  It’s always been true.”  He shook his head, suddenly realizing he’d never even told Meryl that.  “And we didn’t--at first we didn’t talk, and I liked to pretend that I was, I don’t know, better than her or cooler than her.  But then, we learned to speak to one another before we even had the words; we learned to gaze into each other’s eyes.”  

 

The Davis’ sat quiet, intently listening to his speech. His eyes were focused on a flaw in the table-top, but he had to focus somewhere other than their faces or he feared he would lose his nerve.

 

“When I broke my ankle at that hockey tournament, other skaters were chomping at the bit to steal her away from me, but she never once entertained the idea. She’d just...  keep show up after every practice, showing me what she’d learned or making me listen to the songs she wanted us to skate to.” Charlie took a deep breath, picking at his thumbnail and biting down on his bottom lip. “she was my rock, the best friend I could have asked for.”  She was his rock,- but this time, he needed to stand strong on his own.

 

“No one has ever understand me more than Meryl. No one has helped to shape who I am as much as she has. She helped me build myself from the ground, up.” He was on a roll. Telling her parents, the people who loved her the most in the world, how she’d grown to be so important to him was surprisingly freeing.

 

He looked at their hands as they rested on the table. Those hands had brought Meryl up, holding her through the toughest of times, and they had long ago passed her delicate grip onto him.

 

Charlie’s head rose, and he looked into her parent’s eyes with absolute conviction. His voice spoke so sure, that he didn’t feel like it belonged to him, “We made some mistakes along the way, but I have to forgive myself for those because it helped lead us to where we are now. I could never, and will never love anything or anyone as much as I love Meryl Elizabeth Davis. When I think of how far we’ve come together and what we’ve accomplished, it’s not measured in medals- it’s measured in the respect, and trust, and love we’ve built in one another.”

 

He leaned in closer, “I know it seems quick, and rash, and it would look so much better on paper if I waited- but I want Meryl to be my wife more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He said it. Charlie White had sounded like he knew what he was saying, and he hadn’t seemed crazed--well, not too crazed--but most importantly, he had gotten out the words.

 

“Everyone has compared our partnership to a marriage for so long, I want to make it that. I want to spend the rest of my life proving I can be worthy of her.”

 

“Oh, Charlie,” Cheryl choked, tears spilling down her cheeks.

 

“We only have one daughter, Chuck. I only get to walk one kid down the aisle,” Paul started, and Charlie put his serious face on, nodding in agreement with the Davis patriarch’s words.

 

What if they said no?

 

“Charlie, we’ve always trusted you to be good to Meryl. You always picked one another up, dusted each other off, and helped each other keep going.” Cheryl reached over to squeeze her husband’s hand.

 

“Charlie, you only have one shot at this- are you sure?” Cheryl asked quietly.

 

“I would do anything for her,” Charlie spoke strong and true.

 

“Does this mean the Davis family home will be your first stop every Christmas?” Cheryl smiled.

 

He held his breath.

 

Paul let out a small snort of laughter.  “Now, honey, don’t you think it’s time we just invite the White’s over and have one big celebration?” Paul smiled back at his wife, and then at Charlie.

 

“I think a Davis and White Christmas sounds amazing,” Charlie said, relieved, letting out the air he’d been holding.

 

“Well then, I guess we’ve got a deal, son.” Paul stood up to give Charlie a handshake, but Charlie surprised him but pulling him into a huge hug.

 

As soon as Paul released him, Cheryl flung her arms around Charlie’s neck. He picked her up, spinning her around in excited circles. She giggled, “I’m too old for this! Put me down!”

 

Charlie complied, easily, so happy that he could burst. His dream was becoming a reality, and he was accepted whole-heartedly by the two people who’d hopefully become his in-laws. Two of the people he had looked up to most throughout his entire life trusted him enough to take care of their daughter for the rest of her life.

 

Two people who’d seen him mess up more times than he could count, still thought he was the best choice for their little girl.

 

He’d win over the Maksyls too, eventually.

 

“Do you know how you’re going to propose?” Cheryl asked gleefully.

 

“Well I’m gonna have to do it soon, because there’s no way we can keep a secret from her for long!” Charlie rocked on his heels like an excited child. He had the beginnings of a great idea but he wanted to make it a huge surprise. She deserved something amazing.

 

\----

 

After many more hugs and a quick brainstorming session, Charlie escaped home to start researching his idea. He spent hours online and on the telephone trying to secure the details.  By the time his plan was taking shape, the sun was setting quickly, and he knew she’d be over soon.

 

How was he going to keep this secret for another 24 hours?

 

She let herself in with the key he’d made for her, jumping into the room. Meryl, the girl he was going to ask to marry him.

 

“I missed you,” she said, bouncing into his lap and peppering his face with kisses.

 

He could be happy with this life.

 

He was settling down, but he wasn’t settling. He was elevating.

 

They’d make their dreams together, just like they always had.

 

One of his hands found the small of her back and pressed her flush against him. The other ghosted luxuriously up her arm, gently tossing her hair over her shoulder, and with sudden urgency grabbed the back of her neck and brought her lips down to meet his.

 

She let out a moan that to others might be interpreted as a squeak, but he knew. He knew the sounds she would make, and the exact curve of her spine, and the way her eyes looked when the lids became too heavy to hold fully open any longer.

 

Meryl was the road map that had gotten him to where he was, and he traced that roadmap on her skin with his lips.

 

He bit, and sucked, and nipped, and kissed, until her back was flush against the seat of his couch and he was teetering above her, hips dangerously flush with hers.

 

He realized that he hadn’t yet said a word, only littered her flesh with goosebumps raised by his warm breath against her skin. “I missed you too,” Charlie breathed heavy, forehead pressed against hers.

 

She bit her bottom lip, causing it to turn a tantalizing red, “I had gotten that impression.” She laughed happily between heavy pants.

 

“Oh good,” he broke apart from her, sitting back on his ankles and gaining back what little composure he had left.

 

“Now I’m cold,” she pouted, pulling him back down by his shirt.

 

“Mer, it’s still summer,” he laughed, resting his weight on her and cupping her face softly.

 

She nuzzled his nose, “I admit, it was just a ploy to get you back. What’s for supper?”

 

He kissed her cheeks, then her forehead, both of her eyes, then her lips. It was a sweet and gentle gesture before he began playfully nibbling her entire face. “Meryl bwains!” he exclaimed, holding her down as she fought against him.

 

“Stop licking my face!” she cried, trying to swat him away.

 

“Hey Meryl, this is just like the Walking Dead!” he managed, still finding time to playfully devour bits of her face and neck.

 

“This is nothing like Walking Dead,” she wiggled. “Charles Allen! Chuck! Charlie! You’re infecting me with your gross!” She pushed him and he was caught off guard. He hit the floor hard, still laughing like a maniac.

 

Meryl jumped down to comfort him,  looking at him with horrified eyes, “Are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

 

“Meryl,” he cackled, “you have some of my spit on your left cheek there-“

 

She swatted at the offending cheek with playful anger, laughing along with him. “You’re lucky I love you.”

 

“Well duh, I could have told you that,” he smiled up at her.

 

\----

 

It had taken every ounce of strength and acting ability he had, but somehow he’d managed to lull Meryl to sleep before he could open up his big, fat mouth and ruin the surprise he had planned.

 

Shit- he still needed to tell his Mom.

 

They’d talked about their “busy days” over dinner. She’d told him how she’d gone for a run, bought her books for class, organized folders for each class according to the syllabi, and tidied up the condo which she was rarely even visited. He told her about registering for classes, and lounging around in his boxers, and trolling the internet.

 

He refrained from telling her that all of those things happened before noon.

 

After dinner, they lounged around the living room, chatting about music they’d like to use for upcoming exhibition programs, making a short list of people they’d like to choreograph for them. As soon as he’d put forth his few ideas, he’d let her write everything down in itemized lists that she’d use to come to an ultimate decision.

 

As she did this, he sent a few emails, securing details for the next day.

 

But somehow, he’d forgotten to call his mother.

 

They both converged upon his bed, where he held her and read to her from his worn copy of the Hobbit. It always helped her calm her mind and fall asleep when he would read to her, so he did his best to make it happen as often as possible.

 

He knew she’d always been a fitful sleeper, struggling to turn her mind off and keep it from racing. On the ice, their music helped pull her out of her own head. In bed, his reading, accompanied with silly voices and erratic gestures helped her put her head at ease. He was glad he could do that for her. Charlie was so happy he could be something she needed.

 

But lately, he’d been the one awake, torn apart by the what-if thoughts cascading through his brain. In truth, he had thought he’d been getting better. But tonight, he was so nervous, he was trying to still his own hands as they shook.

 

He hoped he wouldn’t wake her.

 

Tomorrow was the day.

 

It had to work.

 

She had to say yes.

 

\----

 

In the morning, he was a nervous wreck. He was sweating profusely, he was fidgeting with everything in sight, and he still had yet to find time to talk to his mother.

 

Jacqui would kill him if she didn’t know before he proposed.

 

Time was running out, and strangely enough, Meryl was sleeping in- something she hadn’t done in her entire life. He had errands to run, and schedules to plan, and she looked so damn cute snuggled into his chest like she wanted to cocoon there.

 

A part of him wanted to freeze this moment, one of the few times he was awake to watch her sleep in the mid-morning sunlight peeking gently through his windows. She was the early riser, always having to coax him out of bed with the promise of food or other things he hungered for.

 

He let her sleep for just another minute, before pulling her close and kissing her hairline.

 

She could say no.

 

She could run away.

 

He had to take that chance.

 

Yet, he reveled in the feel of her, just in case. He memorized the plains of her arms, just in case. He counted her eyelashes, just in case. He watched wakeness break over her face, eyes opening slowly and filling with such happiness at the first sight of him, that he had to fight the impulse to go weak in the knees. He felt so lucky to know her in the way that he did.

 

He wanted to kiss her senseless, but he had a plan to pull off.

 

“I love you,” he whispered, nuzzling into her.

 

“Mmm, I love you too,” Meryl purred in response.

 

He slowly extricated himself from her, limb by limb, letting DJ out and coming back to find Meryl already dressed.

 

“Plans for the day?” he asked, as it had become custom for them to share their itineraries before parting ways.

 

“I thought maybe I’d surprise my mom for lun-“

 

“NO!” Charlie cut her off, horrified and abrupt, knowing that if she went to see Cheryl his entire plan would be ruined. “I mean,” he tried to play it off, “we didn’t get to have lunch yesterday, so I was really hoping that maybe today we could do something.”

 

That was not smooth.

 

He had expected to invite her to dinner, but it was the best cover-up he could come up with, even if it did cut his planning time in half.

 

She laughed, causing herself to yawn, which made him laugh. “Well then, if it means that much to you, I think I can wait to see my mom until tomorrow.”

 

“How about I plan something special and call you in a few hours to let you know,” he wrapped his arms around her, snuggling her close and breathing her in one final time before she left.

 

“Special? Like special enough I can wear a dress?” Meryl jumped up, obviously excited at the prospect.

 

“Sounds fantastic,” he kissed her forehead.

 

“Promise not to wear a Ralph Lauren Polo? Just this once?” she teased, knowing that they were by far his favorite closet staple.

 

“For you, I will swear them off for an entire twenty-four hours,” he squeezed her gently, then let her go.

 

“See you in a couple hours then!” Meryl bounced to the door already filled with energy. “ Charlie?”

 

“Yeah?” he looked at her, a smile spread across his face.

 

“I love you.”

 

Those three words would never get old.

 

\----

 

He called his mom on the way to meet Meryl. He wished their conversation could be in person, but he had run out of time.

 

“Charlie?” Jacqui asked as she picked up the phone.

 

“Mom,” he spoke, breathless. “I’m going to ask her to marry me. In approximately twenty minutes.”

 

“Is this a prank?” she dead-panned.

 

He had always counted on the fact that his mother would be supportive… but would she?

 

“I asked Paul and Cheryl yesterday and they said yes, and it’s just right. You always said that when I felt like it was right, I would know. And I know,” the words were making him become emotional, and he had spoken so few of them. How was he going to get through this with Meryl in front of him.

 

“Oh Charlie, I can’t wait to celebrate! I have to call your sisters, and your father, and your brother, and Avery and Vince will be so pleased! And the skating club, and your publicist, and the USFSA,” she kept rattling on, the excitement infectious.

 

He laughed, nervously, “Can you wait maybe until she says yes?”

 

“Oh darling, she’ll say yes,” Jacqui had believed in them from day one. She had seen their relationship grow, and blossom, and flourish, and she had always staked her claim that one day they’d find their way to one another.

 

If it was time, it was time, and she wouldn’t harp on her son for rushing things.

 

In her mind, he had already waited far too long.

 

They hung up the phone sharing more ‘I love yous’ than they ever had. She seemed more proud of him now than when he had won the Olympics, but he hadn’t even gotten a ‘Yes,’ yet.

 

\----

 

Charlie’s palms were clammy. He kept trying to dry them off by rubbing them onto his pants, or hiding them in the sleeves of his sweater, but they were just too sweaty.

 

The sweater had been Shibu’s idea--who knew the kid had style?

 

He played with the small zipper on his chest, trying to take deep breaths to steady himself. He was wearing khakis, but had dressed them up with a button-up shirt and a dark blue sweater. The sleeves were pushed halfway up his arms, and he had been urged by Alex to wear socks with his dress shoes. He had begrudgingly complied.

 

Charlie paced the backyard of the Davis family’s lakehouse, a picnic dinner set up behind him. The sun was bright, casting an ethereal look upon the water.

 

“Who’s all this for?” The lilt of Meryl’s voice caught him off guard, as she snuck up behind him.

 

She was stunning.

 

When he turned around, he fought to take everything in all at once: the way her navy dress complimented her summer, sun-kissed skin, the way her hair cascaded over her shoulders in perfect curls, the way she’d worn only a little makeup to enhance her perfect features. She had a white cardigan thrown over her arm, thankfully planning ahead for an outdoor meal.

 

He didn’t know if he’d been silent for seconds, minutes, or hours, but she was beautiful and he was in love with her.

 

He answered his question by tucking her hair behind her ear, and caressing her cheek. She stood on tip-toe to meet his lips, falling a little off-kilter. He caught her in his arms, laughing. “I know I’m good-looking, but weak in the knees, already?”

 

She just smiled back, pulling him closer and nuzzling his neck. “You smell so good,” she mused before breaking away from him. “And so does all this!”

 

He watched as she took a step back to appraise his work. “Is that pineapple upside down cake?!” she jumped, excited. “I think it’s one of my favorites because you’d always have it on your birthday and never let me leave until I’d had a piece.”

 

“I noticed,” he smirked, motioning for her to join him as he sat down on the blanket.

 

“And are those spider rolls?!” she grabbed one, taking a quick bite. “And nutri-grain bars?!” she asked, mouth still full. Charlie felt suddenly awkward, having planned a fancy meal and then at the last minute, grabbed nutri-grain bars just because they were her favorite. Why had he thought bringing a power snack to his proposal was a good idea?

 

He couldn’t help but smile--he had tried to put together all of her favorites. There were a few favorites that he couldn’t get in time, but he had done his best. He hoped she wouldn’t notice there were a few missing.

 

“Aren’t you going to have some?” she asked, still taking small bites from different containers.

 

“Not hungry,” he croaked, biting his lip. The truth was he had worked himself up so much, that there was no way he’d be able to digest anything until the question had been asked. But he wanted her to eat first, just in case she said no. He stroked her hair as she continued to eat, and it looked almost auburn in the light of the setting sun.

 

She didn’t ask any questions. “This is perfect,” she sighed in contentment.

 

“You’re perfect,” he whispered, dragging her body closer to him, wanting to be able to touch and hold her. She resettled so that she was resting partially on his chest. His legs were outstretched in front of him, and she sat with hers off to the side.

 

“You’re cheesy,” Meryl teased, rubbing his chest lovingly.

 

No matter her answer, or how he messed up the question, he would remember this moment for the rest of his life.

 

He felt a nervous tremor run down his spine. “Are you okay?” she asked, setting down the glass of white wine he’d poured for her before she’d arrived.

 

“I love you, Meryl,” he replied, words that mirrored the ones he’d said on the ice in Sochi.

 

“I love you, too,” she replied, as easily now as she had then. The love they felt was second nature, and expressing it had soon become the same.

 

“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me,” he breathed, words shaky but sincere.

 

She bit her lip, hoping that he wasn’t going to follow those words with a ‘but’… she was always a little weary that things were too good to be true. It had taken too long, and it felt too good, and emotions like these didn’t seem to come without a price.

 

But he had no intention to break her heart.

 

“I had all these things I wanted to say, and now I can’t remember them,” he laughed nervously.

 

“You don’t have to Charlie, I already know,” she kissed his cheek chastely, moving away a little too quickly.

 

He jumped up, and she was confused. Leaning over, he grabbed her hand, helping her to her feet. “Meryl, you might be upset with me, but there’s something I got you that I think you’ve needed for a long time.”

 

She nodded quickly, and he ran to the back porch, taking each step two at a time. He opened the back door of the house, and out of it bounded the most wrinkly thing she had ever seen.

 

Meryl shrieked in delight, running to meet Charlie and the dog halfway. The Chinese Shar-Pei ran right into her arms, and when she picked it up it licked her face happily.

 

“Charlie!” she squealed, twirling herself and the dog around. “Is it really mine?”

 

“She’s a she, and yes she is,” he grinned, hands in his pockets.

 

“I love you so much!” she kissed the top of her dog’s head, and then leaned to kiss Charlie as well. He wasn’t sure to whom she was saying I love you, but both options seemed pretty great to him.

 

“Does she have a name?” Meryl asked, wonder in her eyes.

 

“Check the tag,” he urged her.

 

“Stephanie Gus-Gus Davis,” she read. “Stephanie?”

 

“DJ needed a sister,” he shrugged.

 

“But I got her this too,” he said, pulling another tag from his pocket. “She might need it in a little bit,” he handed it to Meryl.

 

“Stephanie Gus-Gus White?” Meryl read. And then, realization dawning, “Holy frick Charlie, is that your ring?” she stood paralyzed as she realized the object attached to the tag was the ring he had shown her in Hawaii. The ring she’d secretly been stealing every chance she could.

 

He gently took Steph out of Meryl’s arms and put her on the ground as he got down on one knee, “I asked Paul and Cheryl, and they agreed to let me ask-- Meryl Elizabeth Davis, will you marry me?”

 

“You got me a puppy!” she squealed.

 

He laughed, “Meryl, that’s not an answer.”

 

“And you found all of my favorite foods,” she continued.

 

“Still not an answer,” he teased, the knots in his stomach becoming even tighter.

 

“My parents said yes?” she asked, wringing her hands

 

“They didn’t take too much convincing,” he shook his head, trying his best to remain patient.

 

“If we went back to compete next year would it be as Davis-White and White or just White and White?” she asked, jokingly prolonging her response.

 

“That’d be your choice,” Charlie grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to him.

 

“I like White and White,” she said coyly, a smile ripping across her face. “I think that could work,” she beamed.

 

“Does that mean yes?” he urged.

 

“Of course it does!” she threw her arms around his neck, and he rose to spin her around the yard. He continued spinning as she squealed, “I had to make you wait a little, because you made me wait a little, too.”

 

He had no words to express how grateful, happy, and excited he was to begin his life with her. No matter where they would go or what they would do, they would do it together.

 

So rather than speak, he smiled.


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I ever plan to write an epilogue to this story? That would be no. However, one of my friends asked for something fluffy, so I imagined where I think their lives would have gone. Here's my take at a He Smiled Epilogue! 
> 
> Thanks to footnoterphone for beta-ing this chapter.
> 
> Written for Cassie.

It had taken them two years to finish their undergraduate degrees, while still constantly performing as much as possible and being involved in so many other engagements. Life never relented, nor did their schedule, but Davis and White would have it no other way.

 

But after a few years riding the post-Olympic wave, it was time to move on to pursuits that furthered their futures, instead of ones that glorified their pasts. She had always wanted to live in Italy, and Meryl was accepted into the perfect graduate program, so how could Charlie have said no? Italy wasn’t Michigan, but he found ways to occupy his time, taking a few courses online through U of M and following her on whatever sightseeing expedition she had planned for their weekends.

 

But it was one nondescript morning, as a warm air blew through the gossamer curtains of their student housing, as the soft rays began to shine over the wrinkled sheets of their bed, that Charlie knew it was time to go home.

 

“Charlie, what do you think about...  _kids_?” Meryl asked, already wide awake and looking at him anxious and expectantly.

 

“I love kids,” he said, pulling her in close to him and nuzzling against her neck.  “You know that. I miss Vince and Avery. I miss watching them grow.”

 

“No, I mean,” Meryl said, gnawing nervously at her lip.  “I mean,” she started again, frustrated.  “What do you think about us… _having kids_?” Charlie's heart pulsed painfully in his chest and he let out one long, shaky breath. He didn't dare to hope about where it seemed this conversation was going.

 

“Well we should probably get married first,” Charlie chuckled, eyes still closed. Charlie couldn’t even imagine the trouble if they tried to enter either of their parents’ houses with a child, and yet no commitment sealed in a house of God.

 

She’d been wearing his ring for almost four years, they just had never found time to plan a ceremony. They felt like they had been married for so many years, already--it almost felt superfluous.  Charlie wanted Meryl to have his last name, but he also wanted her to have all of her dreams fulfilled first.

He still thought that waking up next to her was all of his dreams fulfilled, anyway.

 

He quirked one eye open at her, and _God_ , the sight of her hair all mussed, the sheets wrapped around her delicate figure, still had a way of making him weak in the knees. He loved the way her body was pressed against him as she stretched this morning, weak and sated from last night’s lovemaking.

 

And yeah, he was old enough that he now used words like “ _lovemaking_ ,” and wore boxers with simple patterns, because Meryl had banned cartoon characters. Charlie White was a _full-blooded adult_.

 

But last night’s lovemaking had been...  _different_. Usually, they were athletic and aggressive, giggling like teenagers the whole way through, but last night had been slow, gentle and tender.  She had seemed so fragile.

 

Now, Meryl looked down, still biting her lip. A bashful, tentative smile crept across her face., “Charlie, that might not be a _possibility_.”

 

_Wait, what?_

 

He could feel his eyes go round and his mouth form a comical ‘o-shape.’ He reached for her excitedly, gripping her tightly by her upper arm. “Do you mean it?”

 

She laughed gently, still a little tentative. “So you’re not mad?”

 

“No!” Charlie exclaimed, too loudly, crushing Meryl to his chest. “You’re dad’s going to _kill_ me,” he whispered, with a manic excitement, into her bed-matted hair.

 

“I’ve never heard someone say that with such enthusiasm,” Meryl replied.  Her voice was shallow and breathy, but Charlie could feel the curve of her smile pressed into his neck.

 

He pulled away from her so that he could see her face. “When’d you find out?”

 

She waited a beat before answering him. “Yesterday afternoon.”

 

That’s what had been off about her.

 

“I’m so happy, Meryl!” he half-sobbed into her shoulder, tracing fevered kisses up her hairline. “I’m going to be a _dad_?”  He whimpered, curling a stray strand of her hair around his finger.  They were going to be parents.  He was in absolute wonder.

 

“You’re going to be the _best_ dad,” Meryl amended.  “And I’m going to be a mom,” she added, speaking softly, testing the words out for the first time.

“You’re going to be a perfect mom,” Charlie amended sweetly.  He laughed, then sprang out of bed. “I can’t wait to tell everyone!”

He circled the bed trying to find their discarded clothing. He pulled up his boxers and tossed a t-shirt over his head. “Do we tell your mom or my mom first? Or both at the same time?” He tossed her shirt over to her. “When do we get to know if it’s a boy or a girl? Oh my God, should our parents come for the birth?!”  He wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she looked like she couldn't help but be amused by his animated rant.

 

“Charlie,” Meryl said, suddenly serious. “It’s time to go _home_ ,” she stopped him.

 

He froze in place, mouth hanging slack again. “But Meryl, this is your dream.”

 

“No Charlie,” she placed her hand over her stomach, “ _This_ is my dream.”

 

\-----

 

They’d fought over whether they would name a boy Charles White III. Charlie absolutely hated the idea, but Meryl was absolutely and resolutely married to it.

 

Luckily, they had a girl. She had a full head of blonde curls, an infectious smile, and a bubbling laugh. Everything about her was so perfect, and he loved her the first moment he saw her. Sometimes, he would go count her fingers and toes at night, just to revel in how perfect she was.

 

But one thing that bothered him was that while he and Arabella Marie White shared a last name, her mother was still a Davis.

 

So he had let the moms meddle, _just this once_.

 

At a Sunday family lunch in December, he dropped to one knee and asked Meryl to marry him all over again.  

“Charlie,” she laughed fondly. “If you hadn’t realized, I already said yes.” She cradled their daughter carefully in her arms, but shot him a teasing smile.

 

“No, I don’t mean someday,” he said, assaulting his curls with his free hand, nervous. “I mean _soon_. A month from now, actually.”

 

“On my birthday?” Meryl asked.

 

“Exactly,” he smiled, getting off of his knee on the linoleum of the Davis family kitchen, and wrapping his arms around her and their daughter.

 

“But there’s so much to plan!” Meryl wailed, trying to shake him off, a spare strand of hair coming loose from her low bun. He tucked it back in place.

“Actually, all you have to do is say yes,” he said, a mischievous smile creeping back across his face. “ Our Moms already did everything else.”

 

“But why now?” she asked, curling Arabella even closer into the soft fabric of her sweater.

 

Arabella cooed.

 

“Because we’re a family,” he said softly, looking at her with sincere hope and adoration. “We should make it official.”

 

“Can we be White and White at next year’s Smuckers Family Skating Spectacular?” Meryl giggled, her face shining with joy.

 

“If you say yes,” he joked, hoping to goad her into a reply.

 

“Well then I guess it’s a yes,” she leaned in for a chaste  kiss, and somewhere in the background their assembled families, clapped and cheered.

 

 -----

 

Their kiss at the altar, a month later, wasn’t quite as chaste, but they broke it off quickly enough as Brooke, Meryl’s matron of honor, passed Arabella up to the happy couple, so they could lead the processional out the church.

 

Charlie had never felt so happy.

 

As they strode down the aisle, hand-in-hand, their child giggling on Meryl’s hip, Charlie didn’t think there was ever going to be a moment to top the one he was living in now. He grinned like a fool at Meryl, in her floor-length lace gown, who became more gorgeous with each and every year that passed.

\-----

 

Charlie carefully laced up the pristine white boots resting on his older daughter’s feet. She was growing so fast, and had grown quickly into the role of big sister. He got up slowly--he was still fit, but his hips and back sometimes reminded him that age was catching up. Leaning down, he helped Arabella jump off the bench and took her hand as she wobbled her way to the boards.

 

“Be careful!” Meryl admonished nervously,as she chatted with several skaters all trying to catch a glimpse of their second daughter, resting peacefully in her carrier.

 

“Now Arabella,” Charlie prompted. “What did we talk about earlier?” He stared down at his daughter, her curls swinging excitedly as she chomped at the bit to get on the ice.

 

“Not too fast, and not try _nuffin’_ funny!” the four-year-old groaned.

 

He grinned down at her and slowly they made their way onto the ice, hand in hand.

 

Meryl watched them anxiously from the sidelines.  Charlie knew she should be out there with them, but the baby had come along only a few months ago, and Meryl wasn’t ready to step onto the ice post-pregnancy.

Arabella tested her new skates, toddling slowly on the slick surface. Charlie gradually let go of her hand, letting her balance on her own. Her first stroke on the ice, Charlie felt so much pride a bystander might have thought Arabella had just won an Olympic gold medal.

 

Of course, she quickly crashed to the ground.

 

But before Charlie could get to her, she had gotten back up, steely and determined like her mother.

 

He chanced a glance at Meryl, who was beaming at them, “You’re doing great, sweetie!”

 

Arabella glanced back at her daddy and winked.

 

His eye creases were deeper than they’d ever been, as Charlie smiled.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, I do not own any real people used in this fic, and I do not know them personally.  
> I would absolutely love to hear ANY feedback you guys have on this story/how I could improve!  
> Thanks for reading <3


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